Your Life Has Just Begun
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: Jigsaw finds a reason why he should really keep Amanda and Adam alive.
1. Chapter 1

On a rainy dark overcast morning, a man dressed in a black trench coat entered St. Michael's hospital.

No one took notice of him as he walked down the corridors, his boots clicking against the tiles and headed to the maternity ward. Nurses and orderlies past him as he walked forward…going to claim what was his. Making a final turn he stood in front of the glass window of newborns and scanned around for the one he was looking for.

Faulkner

His eyes gazed down at the child, only a few hours old. No, he wasn't after the child just yet. He was here to claim it's mother. And then the game would begin…a true pure life to take over his work. The father and mother both misunderstood students of his. Looking at the other newborns his right hand reached into his coat pocket for the syringe he would be needing, even if he knew she would come without any struggle. Before turning he took one final glance and smiled to himself.

The children, all future students of his, without even knowing at this very moment they have been given so many gifts before ruining it all.

Life.

And so he walked on. 


	2. 2004

Adam was on his way out when he happened to notice the young woman at the bottom of the stairs. He was going across town with his camera to take a few shots of this doctor guy he was being paid to follow, and then come right home to develop them.

So far he was making at least three hundred a day, and all he had to do was follow this guy around and send the photos through the mail. No strings attached, no problems. Anyways it paid the rent, and that was something Adam needed help with badly.

"Very rock star."

Heading to his mailbox, he noticed the woman's pale face and how she had turned her back towards him when he spoke. She was slowly heading up the stairs with what looked like a large duffel bag.

Right away Adam wanted to kick himself for sounding like such a creep.

"Your hair…it's very rock star." He pointed as she stopped midway and looked at him.

She was attractive.

"Oh speaking of rock stars, I was assigned to give these out…"

Stepping forward he reached into his back pocket and gave her the crumpled up flyer his buddy Luke had given to him.

"A buddy of mine is having a show in a couple of days, they don't completely suck as buddy bands go for."

She slowly took the flyer and gave him a weak smile. He looked over her face.

"Do you live here?"

"Just visiting."

She said in a lower voice.

He nodded and watched her walk back up the stairs. For a moment Adam thought maybe he struck himself a date…someone finally who wasn't Gretchen.

"I'll see you there…"

Turning he sighed, knowing how she had hardly even looked him straight in the eyes. He turned around back and shook his head. beep his pride…he didn't even care.

"Your not really going to show up are you?"

The woman slowly shook her head.

"Probably not."

She was at least honest…he had to hand that to her. Nodding he then stared at her large brown eyes. They looked as if they were made out of thin glass.

"Hey…can I take your picture?"

Now she must really know I'm a loser. He thought to himself. Instead she just held in a laugh as he stepped closer, holding up to camera to focus.

"Okay just stay there…"

He fixed right on her face…she looked so lost and sad.

With the flash of the camera he lowered it and nodded.

"Okay nice, thanks."

She let a small smile as she turned.

"I'll see you…later."

He stumbled over his words as he turned around feeling another odd feeling in his stomach. Just then his two bitch neighbors from the third floor came in.

"Hey ladies, show on Saturday night…five bucks come on!"

They shot him dirty looks and pushed forward as the woman watched from the stairs laughing.

He at least got her to smile, one thing he was good at.

Looking up he flashed a smile to this stranger.

"Don't worry their going to be there."

She smiled before turning for the final time and making it up the stairs. Smiling again, Adam turned and pushed forward on the front door that lead out into the city.

He now wished he had asked her name. 


	3. Your life has just begun

Amanda leaned back against the brick wall of the alley, and remembered the words that John had spoken to her.

"Your life has just begun"

Feeling her heart pound and her vines ache for the drug she hadn't used in nearly a month, she glanced at her watch and knew it was time. The man who she had read about in John's instructions had left less then an hour or so ago when nightfall had settled over the city. Now all she had to do was wait. Clutching her small duffle bag she looked up at the fire escape and started her way into the rundown apartments.

It took her six minutes to finally find the door number or the forth floor, feeling blessed that no one had even past her in the hall she stood close and used the small switch blade to pick the cheap lock. The door swung open and she let herself inside, right away feeling safer then out in the open. Taking a heavy breath she felt around on the wall for a light switch and flicked it on.

The place was worse on the inside, a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and what seemed like two small bedrooms. Once probably a half decent place in this part of town, looked more like a place that was used for sleeping and storing more then anything. Amanda couldn't really relate for this lifestyle since most of her life she either lived from place to place, partying the scene around in a blur, or in a small jail cell.

Setting her bag down she decided to look around.

The place was mostly empty, crude dirty wooden floors and peeling ugly red pained smeared on the walls. She saw a few cheap paintings that weren't half bad laying against the walls, and broken down furniture that looked used. The kitchen was also empty, the small metal table covered in boxes of old photographs and newspapers. The fridge was empty other then caned coffee and water bottles. One bedroom had clothes laying all over the place around an unmade bed, and the other served as a black room.

Taking only a few seconds to poke her head in she saw the latest prints on Dr.Gordon.

Walking back she paused in the living room and saw two framed dusty photographs on what used to be a mantel. Walking over with her hands behind her back Amanda gazed at them.

One was probably taken when he was younger, collage or school maybe? He was at some sort of pub with a few other guys all laughing and looking at the camera.

The other was most likely taken by him, black and white of the harbor a few years ago. Amanda stared at the photograph and sighed. Somehow that one image reminded her of her shattered state of living and the nervous build up to what she thought was her new life.

So confused and alone she thought another second and knew if she waited any longer she wouldn't be ready. Knowing she would have to wait until he fell asleep to cut the lights and put everything in order she took out the syringe and unzipped her cloak and mask John had made.

Flicking off the lights she headed to the nearest closet and shut herself inside. 


	4. The setup

"Put his left ankle in the shackle"

Amanda stepped over the unconscious young man and turned the rusty handle to start the icy flow into the bathtub. Kneeling down beside his legs she started to unlace his black military boots, feeling her heart race deep inside. Trying to take a few extra breaths to steady herself before John notice, she used the back of her palm her slick over the beads of sweat that had forced across her face. Eyes stinging with running makeup she yanked over the first one along with the sock and started for the other.

Watching John get together the last touches, she flipped off the other boot and clasped the steel shackle around the man's ankle. Remembering what John had said she stood over him and lifted his shirt for a second to get his belt.

John threw the last few things into the duffle bag before taking out a needle for himself.

Grazing his stomach for a moment, Amanda froze and stared down at him. Laying there almost so peaceful she didn't know if he was going to end up like her after John's test.

But then again was that really a curse or blessing?

Yanking his belt off she looked at him for another second and felt a funny feeling wash over her. Why didn't she want to move just then?

Seeing that John was about to finally get in place she used the very last of her strength to hook her arms under his and lift him into the tub. Her legs feeling like water she took a deep breath and finally after a few tries slid him into the water. Without thinking she threw the tiny blue glowing key onto his slowly soaking white T-shirt and watched him for the final time.

"Adam…that's his name." She thought to herself before turning and watching John inject the needle into his arm.

"What's that"

"Slow my heart rate, relax my muscles"

Feeling sick again she nodded and started to wheel the bags to the outside hall.

"Close the door behind you"

Standing there one final time Amanda looked in at the scene, everything had been so well planned out and set…now all she had to do was wait for it to all go into motion. Trying to get a final glance at Adam she saw he was sinking down into the water and soon enough to wake up along with the other man.

Shaking her head she prayed to herself that this strange man she had only heard about and struggled to kidnap would make it and maybe learn John's lesson.

Why was she thinking this?

He was just like the others, a mere stranger who wasted his life and helped spread these awful lies. But remembering back in his apartment and staring at his photographs she felt a small feeling that she almost knew him. Sliding the door shut and flicking off the lights she looked at his two black boots sitting beside her along with the other stuff. Locking the door she picked up the boots and smiled to herself. It had began 


	5. I'm going to free you

The last thing Adam really did remember was sitting up against one of the moldy damp walls and slowly shutting his eyes. He had no idea how long he had been in, it was far to dark to even try and make out what time it was on the clock. The sour smell of blood and puke filled his nose and he sat there, his entire body aching from the oozing blood which throbbed from his wounded shoulder. He knew he was loosing too much blood, and that this never ending stinging at the bottom of his stomach would never go away. Sighing he curled up and decided that Larry hadn't of made it.

He would die alone, much like he thought he always would.

"Some people are so ungrateful to be alive...but not you, not anymore"

He then remembered a soft hand touching his stubbed face, and what seemed to sound like a whisper.

"Adam...I'm going to help you"

Now hours later Amanda drove the van as fast as she could in the city, she saw the lights of the ER just ahead. Adam laid down beside her...looking as if any moment he could slip away.

"Don't die on me..."

She then remembered what she had done.

It had been three days.

John had simply said once he returned that it was finished for the time being and he had other plans to tend to. Amanda ached inside to ask about the details but locked herself away in the darkened warehouse and continued to have those gut wrenching shakes inside her. She knew she shouldn't have questioned any further in the matter, or cloud her thoughts away from her work.

But everything was happening so fast and deep down inside she felt empty and alone. Waiting until dark, she left the warehouse and took John's truck and drove for the next hour or so to where they had taken them. She knew from the faint scent in the truck, that John had must of disposed of a corpse. The unknown feeling and rules of this game shook her deep inside…wishing that she could of helped him that night and see the final outcome.

Stepping out into the cold night breeze her black boots she had been wearing crunched against the pebbles laid on the side of the road. Holding her steady hand with the strongest flashlight she could find she walked into the darkness of the building.

The other man's body was gone, the only remains were puddles and splashes of blood along the dim moldy hallway. Using the back of her free hand to block from the rotting scent she made herself to the door and slowly pulled it open.

The smell hit her first, holding back from gagging as she took a moment and saw the remains of the others.

"They lost."

She thought to herself as she slowly walked inside, shining the flashlight in hope of seeing him.

He was there.

Sitting against the wall, blood soaked T-shirt and light death pale skin. He wasn't moving or even made the slightest sign of life.

He was dead.

Setting down her flashlight she crept towards him and knelt down beside. Using the tiny light she had she glanced at the beaten body beside him and shut her eyes for a moment remembering the man she was forced to hell only a few months ago.

Holding her shaken hand out under his nose she felt a slight withdrawn breath. Pressing her head against his chest she heard a faint heart beat.

He was dying.

Taking a closer look at him she saw he had lost a lot of blood and looked to almost be half there. Dark circles under each closed eye, along with dried crack lips that weren't even open.

"Adam"

She whispered in his ear.

"Mmmm"

Amanda jumped a little feeling her heart jump into the top of her throat, as Adam gave out a weak muffled moan and shifted a little. Eyelids fluttering he gazed at her with glazed flicking eyes.

Standing up a bit she held onto him.

"Adam…I'm going to help you."

With that she unlocked his shackle.

Now she opened the van's door as quick as she could slowing down and pushed Adam out before speeding away...all ready people from inside the hospital were running towards him.

Checking in the rearview she sighed and knew he would be safe. 


	6. Dying

It was only moments after the speeding van had peeled out of the front lot, that two orderlies that were on their cigarette break noticed the man laying on the pavement.

It happened so fast they couldn't even get a make of the license plate.

Running together, they saw the man was a white as a ghost. His clothes were soaked in blood and most likely was dead. Kneeling down one took his pause and felt a faint heartbeat. Seconds later screams were heard and three other orderlies and a doctor came running out with a stretcher.

"SOMEBODY HELP!"

Right away everyone started circling around him, the doctor was the first to jump into action.

"What happened?"

"A drop off, van rushed right out of here…couldn't see a driver."

They lifted his limp body other the stretcher and began speeding into the front doors. Other patients and nurses stood in the waiting room watching as they fled by. Outside the dim of sparking green gem lights were seen across the harbor. It was five past ten and the city was just waking up to the nightlife.

Speeding down the hall, Adam kept having flashes of the bathroom.

Waking up in the darkness, Larry, the terrible screams, the blood, the pieces of the puzzle, the clock ticking closer and closer.

"Most people are so ungrateful to be alive…but not you, not anymore."

"GAME OVER!"

Adam began to seize as the orderlies and nurses held him down. An oxygen mask was placed over his face, as he kept seeing flashes of the light above him speed by.

"Fractures of the diaphysis were defined as being at least three centimeters distal to the neck and almost five centimeters proximal to the colcannon fossa"

They pushed him into a room, and lifted him onto a table. Lights were flicked on, as monitors began being hooked up. The doctor pushed forever and almost for the first time in her nine years of working there…threw up.

Was he dead?

There was so much blood.

Strapping on rubber gloves, the nurses stripped him off his bloody shirt and saw the bullet wound. His entire shoulder looked black. It was infected.

"25 to 26-year-old white male who sustained a gunshot wound to the lateral portion of his upper arm resulting in a proximal humerus fracture along with a retained bullet in his subacromial space. The bullet arthroscopically avoiding a traditional exposure, with serious lateral infection to the lower parts of the flesh, collar bone also with shattered fracture frame"

"Blood loss up to fifty counts, get five units into him and start a forth I.V line"

"We need to prep for the OR" Adam then had another flash of Larry, crawling along the blood soaked floor.

"I wouldn't lie to you…"

"Larry no, I wanna live, I wanna live!"

Just then he flat lined.

"He's coding, wheel in the crash cart stat!"

Right away the doctors and nurses began to work on Adam as his heart finally stopped. 


	7. Waking up

"Adam…"

Somewhere off in the distance of what seemed like a thick mist, Adam began hearing his name being called faintly. Having no idea where he was, or how he got there he slowly drifted along feeling warmth. Somehow the area around him reminded him of "The twilight zone the movie" segment where all the old folks changed into youths in their backyard.

Something like summer, golden warmth…very much like what it felt like to wakeup early on a Saturday in June when he was a kid. No worries, no problems…the entire world still asleep.

"Adam…come on home."

Adam turned around.

"Hello?"

He called out…it sounded like Larry.

"Larry?"

"Adam…can you open your eyes?"

Then somehow it all drifted away…blackness overtook and for a spare second he thought he was back in the bathroom. Alone and dying in his own personal hell.

His eyelids fluttering he felt brightness again and then looked around.

A middle aged doctor stood over him.

"Adam…can you hear me?"

Adam took a second to gather his surrounds, finally he focused, he was in a hospital bed…and it was morning.

Daylight. Something he never thought he would see again.

Finally opening his eyes wide enough he felt a terrible soreness roar though his body. Hissing a bit the doctor told him to relax and try not to move.

"Where am I?"

His throat felt dry.

"Your at a hospital Adam…you've been here for almost three weeks now."

"Three weeks, what happened?"

The doctor explained how they had almost needed to take his arm due to the infection. He had been in a coma since then and was being monitored for his irregular heart rate. The police were also downstairs and wanted a statement from him.

Not being able to take it all in he kept looking around. Was he really alive?"

"Dr. Gordon?"

"What?"

"Dr. Gordon…Larry, did he make it too?"

The doctor gave him an uneasy look and checked his chart before asking if he wanted to wait to speak with the police.

"It's because I'm the second one who got away isn't it?"

"From who?"

"Jigsaw…" 


	8. Face your fears

"Second would be victim of madman escapes!"

The newspapers read. All ready the press and media around the city were buzzing from the local police report that another person escaped jigsaw. Guards were hired to stand guard outside of the hospital, as detectives were brought in to question and talk to the young man who had stayed in a coma for so long.

Days went by in which Adam could only remember in blurs. So many reports and evidence being made out, so many different faces and questions. He told them everything over and over again. The way he was attacked in his apartment, waking up in the bathrooms, Dr. Gordon, the clues, the story of jigsaw, the tapes, and finally the blood curding screams as Larry sawed his own foot off to save his family. He told them every single last detail but to when Zep came in, and the man who had left him to rot.

Sketches were made up, as they asked him over and over again if he remembered how he had arrived at the hospital.

He didn't know.

All he remembered was throbbing pain in his shoulder as he grew weaker and weaker in the darkness. Then how finally he heard a voice whisperer to him…

"Adam…I'm going to free you."

Then he woke up in the hospital.

The few weeks that he did stay in the hospital were painful ones. He was given so many drugs half of the time he felt as if he was stoned. Blank dreamless nights came as he slept most of the time…keeping away the nightmares. The doctors fed him I.Vs filled with fluid as he began therapy on his shoulder which he could hardly move.

The police needed photographs for the report, so with all pride sucked out of him he had to stand in a room completely naked with a nurse and three police officers as they scanned over his body for any clues. The bruises around his ankle were nearly gone. His shoulder had a large scare of stitches left behind. Feeling completely blank and emotionless he just stood there as they looked him over

One detective was a young woman who went by the name of Kerry. She stood there the entire time with her arms crossed and narrow and stern look across her face as he was photographed. Another detective met with him by the name of Mathews, he seemed like a rough around the edges kind of guy who seemed to have lost more then a couple of night's worth of sleep due to the case.

Adam kept asking if they had heard anything about Larry…they didn't.

A manhunt was being held to find the location of the bathroom, they had been searching for nearly a month. Also trying to figure or find anything to link up to any of the equipment that Zep that left behind in the Gordon household.

So far nothing.

Also…nobody matched up to the sketches that had been made of jigsaw.

So Adam stayed in the hospital…and finally heard on the news that there had all ready been another body found a few cities over in another warehouse…Jigsaw had claimed another victim.

"Most people are so ungrateful to be alive…but not you, not anymore."

Snapping awake one rainy night from another nightmare, Adam jerked awake in the darkness of his hospital room, and felt sweat roll down his face.

He stared out the window and saw the raindrops hit the glass.

Breathing in and out he tried to catch his breath as his monitors leveled out.

Just another nightmare.

Checking his clock he saw it was still early, only a little past five…he had been sleeping most of time anyways.

Settling back he remembered yesterday and how he had his first visitor that hadn't been the newspapers wanting to speak with him.

When he was first brought there they saw he had no family, other then his younger sister who lived in Virginia. She had heard about what happened…but still didn't come. He really didn't blame her…after their mother had died things had seemed to fall apart.

It was Larry's wife.

Alison

Adam couldn't believe it…she was more beautiful then she was in the photo he saw.

But now she looked frail and weak looking. Large bags were under her eyes and it seemed as if she had been crying nonstop for the past two months.

She had requested to see him.

At first there were really no words spoken between them. It felt awkward and strange. Adam was the last person who saw Larry alive, and Alison was the woman he had been screaming for as he tore his own foot off.

She sat on the edge of his bed and introduced herself. They finally spoke about how the police had filled them in on everything, and how she knew deep down inside that Lawrence was dead. She had heard what happened…and looked away for a second as she hitched in a small cry.

She told him if there was anything, anything that all that could make him remember anything else.

He told her to truth…everything he had said was what happened.

He didn't know what happened to Larry.

"I wouldn't lie to you…I promise."

Remembering what had happened, Adam sighed and both talked for a little while. Alison talked about how she had been staying with her mother until things died down…she couldn't face going back home right now.

Adam asked how her little girl was doing…Alison said fine, but the truth was she really didn't know. Since it happened she grew more distant from her.

They asked a few questions about each other, mostly how long Adam had been taking photos and living in the city. Answering most of these questions made him feel guilty about how low he had sank for following her husband around as he carried on an affair with another woman. But most of that didn't seem to matter anymore. He asked her a few questions and found out that she had been married to Lawrence for nearly fifteen years. She said they had their problems…but she would give anything to see him now.

Starting into her eyes he understood.

She then thanked him, for being there with him until the end.

"I didn't do anything…I was helpless."

"You did…you saw and proved to me that he really was a good man."

Touching his hand for a moment, crude I.V lines sticking out of it with tape. He looked up at her and knew she needed something else.

"Even when he knew he needed to kill me…I think he missed and aimed at my shoulder on purpose."

She gave a weak smile.

"I think so too."

They exchanged a few more words and finally numbers and addresses. She told him to call her anytime if he ever needed anything, and how much she wanted her daughter to meet him. Knowing that really wasn't the truth he smiled and said his goodbyes to her.

Now sitting all alone in his bed, he knew he would be released tomorrow. The police were all ready busy on the other murders that had taken place…now he had to face his fears alone.

But the truth was…he really didn't know if he could go back there. 


	9. I'm Adam and I'm Amanda

By the time the taxi arrived at his apartment complex, Adam didn't think he would be able to move.

The ride across the city seemed never ending. It was a miserable overcast day, and large gray clouds hung low in the sky as Adam stared out the window. Everything now seemed so much different. Before the city was the city…just a place he moved to escape and blended in between the walls. The rush and madness of it all seemed normal. Now after everything that had happened it all seemed different. Almost as if things were standing still.

The police had talked with him again before leaving. They wanted to see him in a couple of weeks down the station if he could make it. They also told him that they had gone through his apartment and found hardly anything…only his camera which was damaged…no prints on it.

They warned him that maybe in a month's time if he still felt unsafe to maybe think about moving. They handed him a doctor's card in which he could talk to, and a few programs for victims of crimes and kickboxing lessons. Somehow that made Adam smirk as he stuffed the papers in his gym bag. The doctors all said he seemed fine…his shoulder would be stiff and not nearly as strong as the other arm…and not to do any further heavy lifting until his next visit. They also said they had kept him that extra two weeks for the reason of his irregular heartbeat. Most likely brought on after what happened. They reviewed his medical history and told him that he would have to be placed on medication until further notice.

As shocking as it really was, none of his noisy neighbors poked their heads out as he walked down the dim lit hallway. There was hardly anyone who lived there anyways…also the excitement of it all had worn down. Taking his keys out he saw his front door and felt his stomach toss from the sight of police tape. Taking it down he tossed it to the side and opened the door.

Inside the smell of dampness filled his nose as he swung the door shut and looked around. His shades were all drawn open, letting in enough light. Digging his hands in his pockets he looked around and felt his chest tighten. He didn't feel right.

Slowly walking around, everything looked as if he had just left it. Passing the closet he remembered the figure jumping out from the closet and the flashing of his camera. Feeling a chill he poked his head into his dark room and saw the photographs of Larry all hanging around.

Feeling guilt slap him right across the face, he started almost in a range ripping all of the photos off the wall. One by one his torn them down and brought them in arms full over to his kitchen sink. After four or so trips every single photograph laid there in a huge pile. Grabbing a bottle of chemical from his counter that he used to develop the film, he poured the liquid across the photos and then dug deep into his pocket for his lighter. Looking down at the photographs one last time he sighed.

"I'm sorry Larry…"

And with that he tossed the flame down and watched the photos burn.

An hour later he paced around the house feeling scared. He kept thinking of the money he had stashed and now many he could check into a motel or something.

That's when he saw his phone book on his coffee table. Biting his lip he didn't even think twice before grabbing it. He just didn't want to be alone…he needed to forget.

A phone call later he found himself being thrown down against his bed by Gretchen, as she snapped open her vest, revealing her breasts. Gretchen was his ex. The same vegan punk girlfriend Larry had heard about. Both had only dated for a short period of time…it mostly being sexual before all her beep finally made her decide he was too angry for her. Now after just one phone call, her voice played a cheesy acting bit of sympathy as she raced on over…saying over and over again…

"My poor baby…"

Starting up at her pierced lips and eyebrows, her dyed red and purple hair hung in her face as she mounted his lap. Adam sighed as she rolled the condom on him and began slowly lowering herself, grabbing his wrists and pounding herself down on him. Being pressed into his sagging mattress, Adam tried to look at her as she began arching her back and pressing down on him as hard as she could.

Feeling the tightness in his chest, for a moment Adam could of sworn he was having a heart attack. A good half an hour went by as she kept screwing him over and over again, thrashing her head back like a wild animal and clawing her black painted nails across his chest, and closely towards his scar.

Finally once he had finished, he asked if she could lay beside him. He just wanted someone to hold and block the visions out. He was really scared to death.

Putting his arms around her, he began to shake…she stayed still for a bit before slowly trying to get him to roll on top of her. Around eight she told him she needed to get to work and to call her if he needed anything. Within seconds her clothes were back on and she was gone.

Laying there in the darkness he knew he couldn't stay there any longer…just wanting to leave the house for a bit he sat up and pulled on his jeans and a T-shirt before grabbing his keys and heading to the 24/hour coffee shop a few blocks down.

Feeling twice as scared as before, somehow every stranger he past on the street seemed to look like the man that left him in the room.

Walking faster he finally made it inside.

Two older men were having their pie and coffee at one of the window booths, while someone else sat at the counter while the waitress walked by with a coffee pot.

"Take a seat hon., I'll take your order in a second…"

Nodding, Adam took the stool a few feet away from the other customer and took a deep breath as he stared at his hands.

Taking a moment his eyes looked over and saw it was the same exact girl he met nearly two months ago the day that it had happened.

The girl with the rock star hair.

Speechless, he didn't think she would remember him. She sat by herself reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee…she was dressed in the same exact jacket.

Glaning over, she made eye contact she Adam knew how strange he must of looked just then. Feeling color swell into his cheeks he gave a half smile.

"Hey again…"

"Oh, hey…"

She smiled a little.

"Do you remember me?"

"Yeah…you took my photo."

Smiling, he felt a little better he at least met someone who sort of knew him. No longer feeling scared he offered his hand and smiled.

"Adam…"

Smiling she slowly shook it.

"Amanda…" 


	10. Strangers

An hour or so had past as Adam and Amanda changed seats to a booth, facing the front window which out looked on the darkened street. It took a few minutes of awkward silence before Amanda asked him how her photo came out. Smiling, Adam looked down at his hands and told her the truth about not being able to develop them yet. Before he knew it they started chatting and decided to have their dinner together. As time past both seemed to relax a little and found themselves stuffing their faces on greasy cheeseburgers and crispy fries as they laughed and raised their moods a little.

For a little while Adam really didn't feel that scared. Somehow between the hospital, the police, and the reporters…everything turned into one giant blur. Now just having some food with a complete stranger, he finally felt, as strange as it sounded…safe. She told him that she lived in a pretty rundown apartment across town, and how she moved up from Florida when she was ten when her parents died. Spending some time with her aunt, she ran away from home at the age of fifteen and started working underage at a local bar, living off tips and gaining a pretty bad habit for drugs. Skimming over most of the details, she told him she worked odd jobs and pretty much lived as if every night was a party before she had a few run ins with the police and changed her outlook after a year in rehab. Now she was clean and working at another night club, trying her very best to support herself.

Adam didn't really feel the need to go into detail about his own life either. He told her he lived a pretty simple childhood with his family, up until his dad died when he was only sixteen. After that his mother dated a lot of jerks and finally ran off with her third husband to Vegas. His sister by then was all ready in school and trying to support herself…so he jumped around and got into a little troublemaking as a kid and finally went to New England School of Photography, where he worked two night shifts to pay his way through. Finally he moved to New York with a few buddies of his and first tried to get into sports, then a band, then finally worked freelance with his camera. He told her it really wasn't that exciting of a life and how he had been through his own share of trouble.

But he wasn't about to tell her what had happened.

They talked a while more and finally started laughing as they shared cups of coffee. They talked about life in the city, music, and overall how awful the country was getting. Finally they noticed the waitress was waiting for them to finish up so she could close. Paying the bill for her, Adam tugged on his jacket and laughed with her on their way out.

Walking out into the crisp air of the night, the two of them stood outside facing each other. Adam dug his hands deep into his pockets and smiled.

"You got a way to go home?"

Amanda looked over her shoulder and chucked her thumb down the street.

"A bus come around eleven, I'll wait."

"Alone?"

"Yeah I'll be fine…thanks again."

Adam smirked and shook his head.

"Hey trust me…I needed someone just to talk to."

Amanda studied his face for a moment and gave a faith smile under the streetlight. Finally Adam locked eyes with her and took a deep breath.

"Hey…my apartment is only a few blocks away…maybe you might like me to fix us a cup of coffee to warm you up a bit."

Amanda smiled a little and brushed back her bangs which had fallen in her eyes.

"I don't drink coffee."

Adam looked at her.

"Neither do I."

Amanda smiled and started walking with him back home. 


	11. Alone tonight

Ten minutes later, Adam opened his apartment door and tossed his keys into a small bowl he kept on an old wooden end table he picked up at a yard sale two summers ago. Feeling around on the wall for the light switch the entire room lit up and he felt himself stiffen.

"What's wrong?"

Turning a bit, Amanda stood behind him, wearing her brown worn jacket. Sighing he shook his head and let her inside, double bolting the door behind them.

Walking around, and looking at the lack of furniture and emptiness, Amanda turned around with a slight smile.

"Very warm and cozy."

Adam tried to smile, but felt his heart rate quicken as he leaned up against the door, sweating he took a deep breath and felt a panic attack slowly come on.

"Adam…what's wrong?"

Amanda raised an eyebrow and slowly walked towards him.

"My God, your shaking…"

Adam pressed himself up against the door and shut his eyes. Over and over again he kept seeing that puppet sitting in his leather chair and laughing through the darkness.

"Come on…sit down."

Helping him sit on the couch, Adam thought he might be having a heart attack or something. About to open his mouth and ask her to call the hospital, he leaned his head back and tried to get his breathing under control as he petted his neck and sat close beside him.

"What is it?"

Opening his eyes he saw how really beautiful she looked. Just as beautiful as she looked when he first saw her less then a few months ago standing on the stairwell. Looking at her he knew that calling Gretchen up today was an awful idea…she didn't even care what had happened to him. Seeing that no one else in his life cared what happened to him, he thought of Larry again and felt himself almost on the edge of crying. Yet again, another stranger that knew nothing about him…seemed to be one of the few millions of people on this earth that cared if he lived or died.

He missed Larry, and he knew he was slowly having a mental breakdown over what happened.

"You know those murders that have been in the paper…"

Amanda looked at him, still slowly rubbing his neck.

"The jigsaw guy…yeah?"

Adam swallowed and slowly shook his head.

"I have something to tell you Amanda…"

Two hours later, after every single last detail had been said, Adam sat beside Amanda waiting for her response. He didn't know if she would be sickened, freaked out, or even pity him. Instead she looked him over carefully with her eyes and sat Indian style on the couch. He felt so humiliated at this point…a total wash out who really didn't deserve to live. Larry was right, he was scum.

Then, a single tear fell from Amanda's face as she leaned over and hugged him. Feeling a little stiff and caught off guard from this much physical closeness, he gave her a limp hug and then pulled back looking at her face. She touched his face and sighed.

"I'm so sorry for you Adam…so sorry."

Thinking back on that faith whisperer that called to him when he was on the edge of death, he felt something almost snap inside his head as he looked at her.

"It should have been me…"

Shaking his head he told her that nothing seemed worth living for, and how he just couldn't get it out of his head.

Taking his hand, she asked him where the attack had happened. Pointing towards the closet she walked with him towards it and opened it with ease. Standing back he watched her pull the string which lit up the light bulb. The closet was empty expect for a few hangers and old sports equipment he used back in high school.

"See…nothing's there."

Sighing he slowly shook his head and nodded before she pulled the light off and softly shut the door. Turning around she still saw he was scared, walking closer he put his arms around her neck and started to shake.

"I just…don't wanna be alone tonight."

Standing on her tiptoes, she leaned in and softly kissed him on the lips.

"You won't…I swear." 


	12. This is it

Before Adam knew it, both Amanda and him were holding onto each other, and tripping over their feet as they stumbled backwards into his darkened bedroom. Not even bothering with flicking on the lights, Adam began kissing her face as fast as he could, even single touch his lips made, he kept blacking out the thoughts of Larry screaming.

Amanda was all ready on him, her arms wrapped around his body as she started lifting up his shirt. Adam felt breathless as they fell backwards onto the bed and made the mattress creak. Amanda sat on top of his lap and pulled off his jacket. Staring down at him she lifted her violet colored T-shirt and revealed her pale and creamy smooth skin. Adam looked up at her in utter amazement and felt completely different then he did hours ago when he was with Gretchen. Smiling she reached behind her and unhooked her black bra, revealing her perfect and well shaped plump breasts. Adam right away felt an erection press against his jeans as he laughed to himself. Amanda kept smiling as she brushed back a little of her hair behind her ears and started working on his belt.

Seconds later she slid off and helped him tug them off, before kicking off his sneakers. His T-shirt now tossed to the side, he stood up almost tripping as she finished undressing and slid backwards onto his bed. Hiking herself up on her elbows and watching him.

Stumbling twice, she giggled as he finally had nothing on but his boxers. Smiling she tugged on him and brought him on the bed beside her. Both sitting on each other's kneels, she put her arms around his neck and began kissing him as passionately as she possibly could. Moaning between their mouths, Adam's hands came up to her breasts and began to squeeze and squish against his fingertips as she started to trace her nails against his chest and back.

Shutting his eyes he felt his heart rate go up again as he slowly grabbed onto her and started kissing her as hard as he could.

In-between kisses, Adam felt sweat begin to pour down his face, his throbbing erection wasn't going to keep holding on if he didn't get going. Whispered for her to get a condom out of the nightstand, she shifted position and moved towards the draw as he laid back down trying to calm himself down. Staring up he didn't know if what he was doing was completely stupid…was sex really what he needed?

He hardy knew her.

But then again…she cared about what he had to say. That was a total first.

Amanda took the condom out of the nightstand and stared at the foil wrapping before sighing. She knew her orders…she knew what John had sad and how displeased he had been. Now she had to put her feelings aside if she wanted Adam to still live.

She had to prove herself.

Trying her best to keep things under control, she laid their naked in the darkness of his bedroom, with her back turned. Taking the condom out of the wrapping and tossing it to the floor, she took her fingernail and made a small cut in it before looking outward into the darkness.

She was saving his life…she had to keep telling herself that.

Turning her back she smiled at him as he laid there completely naked. She saw him shaft, standing up hard and erect. Feeling scared for a moment, she took a slight breath and knew it was now or never. Turning over she smiled and crawled back on top of him.

His hands going up to feel her, she smiled and very slowly rolled the condom down on him. Grabbing her wait he turned her onto the bed and crawled on top of her. Smiling, hair fell into his face as he leaned down and started to lick her skin. Within seconds he stared down at her, making sure she was ready and then fell on top of her.

A few hours later, Amanda stood completely naked in Adam's bathroom. She stared at her reflection and the all ready bruising hickeys that were forming on her neck and breasts. The sex was amazing, she thought to herself as she crossed her arms over her breaths and took a deep breath. It was everything she had dreamed about and then some.

But had it happened?

She knew time really wasn't on her side here, and most of all John would know.

Opening up the medicine cabinet, she stared at all the bottles of pills the doctors had given him. Remembering back an hour ago as he laid on top of her, her legs spread as his body directly on top of her, breathing slowly in and out as he dug his chin into her shoulder blade, and moaned deeply as he buried himself all the way up to her womb. She dug her fingernails into his back and moaned herself before seeing his scar on his shoulder.

He thrusted in and out with slow erect movements, almost looking as if it was hurting him. When he finished he bit his bottom lip and told her he was close. Kissing him, she told him to go faster, as the bed began to creak. Within seconds warm liquid oozed inside her and dripped down her slick thighs. Spit going between his lips, she sucked his lips until they changed color and ran her fingers though his dripping wet hair.

He placed his head on her breasts, himself still very deeply inside her and fell asleep hearing her heartbeat. One he was fully asleep, she slid out from him and locked herself into the bathroom.

Looking at the old faded marks on her arms, she knew she still had to be strong.

Opening the door she watched him toss and turn in the bed.

Having must of woken up while she was still in the bathroom, he now wore a pair of gray sweatpants. Looking over his sweat slicked body, she thought of how perfect he was.

Tossing his head from side to side, he moaned and muttered words in his sleep.

He was dreaming.

Adam saw flashes of the bathroom, the blood, the screams, and then finally that man slamming the door shut.

"GAME OVER!"

Shooting up in bed, Adam saw Amanda now with one of his baggy old sports shirts on that she had taken from the closet. Blinking the sleep away from his eyes he took a second to adjust to where he was.

It had been another nightmare.

Amanda stepped closer, barefoot and looking so peaceful and beautiful from the dim light coming from his tiny hallway.

"Bad dream?"

Still sitting up in bed with sweat rolling down his face, he felt as if it was a million degrees in there. Slowly nodding he looked up at and smiled.

"What time is it?"

"A little after four…you need anything."

Adam felt his heart rate slowing, he then remembered what a night he had. Smiling up at her and looking as the tossed around sheets and pillows he slowly shook his head.

"No, I'm fine…relax."

Smiling she walked up to him as he swung his feet over the bed. Touching his shoulders, she traced his scar with her finger.

"You sure?"

Looking up at her he smiled again and nodded.

"Yeah, hold on."

Getting up he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the bathroom. Closing the door behind her he used the bathroom and felt how sore he was down there. After flushing he went and took a few pills for his heart and looked at his reflection.

He wasn't alone.

Returning to the bedroom, he saw her sitting in the middle of the bed, her knees brought up to her chest. Smiling he crawled back into bed and started kissing her. Arms all ready around his neck, he completely forgot about any form of protection and started working his way down her neck.

"Come on…"

He laid her down, his hands reaching up under his shirt and then looked down at her.

"I…love you."

He didn't even know what came out of his mouth, or how completely cheesy that just sounded. Her eyes dancing in front of him, she touched his cheek and then his soft lips.

"I know."

With that he lowered his sweatpants a little, and started spreading apart her legs. Within seconds he buried his face into her and started pumping into her in a steady pace.

Amanda meanwhile started up at the ceiling and prayed this was it. 


	13. Waking up

Adam fell asleep shortly after he had finished with Amanda. Having stayed up the entire night, he couldn't remember having so much energy in bed since high school. Feeling soar all over, and his head pounding, he wrapped his arms around her and slowly drifted off into whatever dreamless state he would stay in until early the next morning.

His clock radio was the thing that woke him, an old Rob Zombie song came on as his cracked open both eyes and was blinded by the sunlight drifting in through the windows. The shades had been drawn and it looked almost like the first clear day he had seen in months. Taking a second to remember where he was, he blinked away the sleep and looked around. His entire bedroom looked different in the light of day.

The sheets tangled around him, he took a deep breath and eyed his scar on his shoulder. Tiny scratch marks from the night before still showed on his chest. Smiling he then remembered what kind of night he really did have and eyed the waste paper basket beside his night stand. Hitching up on his elbows he looked around, hair sticking up and saw Amanda walk through the doorway holding two cups of coffee.

"Morning…"

Adam smiled a little as he sat up against the headboard as moved over a little bit so she could sit down. She was still wearing his sports shirt, and looking better then ever in the light.

"Thanks…"

Handing him over his steaming cup, the two smiled as he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Where did you get the coffee?"

"You had an old can in the back of your fridge."

Smiling he took a sip and sat it down on the night stand. Staring at her, he reached over and brushed back her hair.

"I just want to thank you again…"

"For what?"

"For not leaving me alone last night, I know it was stupid."

"No, it wasn't, trust me…I had fun."

Smiling he reached over, cupping his hand behind her head and began slowly kissing her.

"Can I see you again?"

He said between kisses.

Amanda pulled back a little and stared in his eyes before rubbing the side of his neck, feeling stubble.

"Not like this…"

"Why?"

He smiled and went in for another kiss.

"Because, I have a lot going on right now and I don't think it would be such a hot idea." "So, this was a one night stand?"

Adam said smiling while raising his eyebrow, somehow he couldn't stop touching her as she laughed.

"I wouldn't say that, I'll see you again."

"When?"

"How about next week, I'll stop by…we'll do something."

Adam slid his hands underneath her shirt and began working their way up against her smooth skin.

"Can I have your number?"

She laughed while playfully biting his bottom lip.

"We'll see…now I need to get going."

But Adam really didn't want to see her go, trying his best to lower her back on the bed, she laughed and kept trying to push him away.

"Come on I'll be late…"

Pulling away, she stood up and started looking for her clothes which were scattered across the floor. Adam watched with a wide grin across his face and never felt better in his entire life. Watching her dress, he finished his coffee and slid out of bed walking her to the door.

"Hey, really…come and see me next week okay?"

She put her arms around his neck and wrinkled her nose.

"Sure…I'll see you."

"Okay rock star."

Laughing they kissed one last time as she slid out of his grip and closed the door behind her. Now alone, Adam looked around his apartment in the daylight and took a deep breath.

The rest of the day he spent cleaning out things. He went back into the closet and took an old hammer and nails a friend of his left behind and nailed the thing shut. After that he went through his dark room and decided he wouldn't fuss around in there for a while. Cleaning around he started smiling to himself…for some odd reason he felt better and couldn't get Amanda out of his mind.

Keeping the phone off the took in case Gretchen called, Adam spent the entire afternoon feeling better then he ever did before.

A day past and he left his apartment and visited a few buddies of his. They avoided the subject matter of what had happened and acted a tad strange around him. While sharing a few beers Adam brought up the fact he was seeing someone new…he didn't know much about her, but the best words to describe her was amazing.

A week past and Adam hung out with his friends more, in fact he even made it to a couple of their shows and found himself laughing and drinking again. The police hadn't called which was a good thing, and he started sleeping through again.

He was laughing more and wasn't nearly as scared to go home alone. He even found himself smiling more.

But when the day came for Amanda to visit…she didn't.

He waited and waited and still nothing.

A few days past and finally that turned into a week, and then a month.

He thought something had happened. Asking around, and going to the same coffee shop where he had seen her, no one knew her name or where she lived.

Asking neighbors around his building if they knew her, he kept getting the same answer…no.

He looked her up in the phone book…and nothing.

Soon he found himself waiting for her to call, going to sleep every night and asking himself if she really did think that was just a one night stand?

How could he had been so stupid?

His buddies tried to cheer him up after a month past, telling him she most likely was blowing through town anyways. As much as he tried to agree…he knew she just wasn't some girl he picked up and brought home. She was different and he couldn't get her out of his mind.

Another month past and he tried getting in contact with his sister…she didn't take his calls.

Knowing the rent was due, he used his digital camera and did a few favors at some local shows to earn a little extra as he tried getting through this. Somehow things weren't feeling the same as before.

Feeling almost depressed again, he tried hanging out with his friends more and keeping busy as they introduced him to other girls. But he knew it was all out of pure pity and tried to shrug off the fact Amanda wasn't coming back.

"Same old Adam…" He thought to himself. 


	14. Hello Adam

It had been nearly four months since Adam had slept with Amanda that faithful night. Since then he had sort of blocked it out of his mind and moved on to other things.

He was seeing Gretchen again, off and on…and he was trying to start working again.

Life had gone back to it's same dull grind as it had before. Nothing had really changed but a source of murders.

Jigsaw had struck again…the details were hardly shown in the newspaper, but they had gotten a good description on who had committed these murders, and Adam was brought back to the station. They had raided an old warehouse on the other side of the city…full of evidence. There they had met the man who called himself Jigsaw.

His name was John Kramer

Reading the file to himself in the police room, Adam lipped the words and couldn't believe it.

John was a fifty-six year old college professor from back East who had made a great deal of money from his father's old cast iron workshop. Very little was known about him…only that his wife who he married later on his life was only forty-three when she died during childbirth, and that he moved to the city with enough state funds to keep a low profile.

He had been treated for cancer at Lawrence's hospital.

"That's him…"

Adam said to himself, looking up at the detective.

As far as the police told him, and the newspapers that Jigsaw had kidnapped a small group of people. The location had never been found and there was only one survivor who wouldn't comment. In fact it was Detective Mathews' son who was now spending time at a local state hospital.

He hadn't spoken since then.

Adam gave his statement, and came back home where he found Gretchen sitting on the couch smoking a joint. Sitting beside her in utter shock he stared up at the ceiling and felt alone again.

Work hadn't been that good, he refused to use to old camera, or the dark room…so most of the money he made off the newspapers went to some equipment for his new digital, and he worked making small enough cheeks to barely support himself.

His sister still refused to talk to him.

The media kept offering him money to appear on TV or take a statement, but he wouldn't.

Drinking now every night, and fighting with Gretchen, he found his life still unchanged.

What a waste.

Sitting on the floor of his apartment, smoking a cigarette he eyed a few shots he had taken and printed out on his computer and tried to see which one he would send out. His rock music blasting he tried to focus when a knock came on the door.

Pausing he checked his watch and saw it was late. Standing up and turning down the music he went to the door and answered it. Amanda stood there.

Adam stood in total shock. 


	15. Your mistake

"I'm pregnant."

Adam sat there in total shock.

"Your…what?"

"I'm pregnant…"

Adam sat on his old beaten up couch with his mouth open, he couldn't believe it. Adam stood in front of him, wearing an old beaten up jacket. Her hair was getting longer now. Seeing her again after all this time still haven't sunken in. This had to be a joke.

"It's yours Adam…I know."

Adam simply shook his head, he had slept with in total eleven girls since he turned seventeen. In all that time he hadn't gotten one pregnant yet, he had always been smart.

"It can't be…"

"I'm almost four months now…if you need proof."

"Yeah I need proof, Jesus Amanda what the hell?"

Amanda gave him a cold stare and reached into her messenger bag which hung over her shoulder.

"Here…I went to the doctor's yesterday, what's your blood type."

Adam stared at the paperwork at first not understanding it, reading the fine print the looked up at Amanda finally and shook his head.

"It isn't possible, I used a condom."

"Well they don't always work, and second of all that other time after you had that nightmare you didn't use one since you couldn't wait."

Adam thought back and remembered, how could he had been so stupid.

"It can't be…"

He handed her the papers back.

"Well it is."

"Then why come to me now…why wait so long."

"Cause I needed to be sure…"

"Sure, sure of what…that some poor guy you screwed for one night and left knocked you up?"

"Adam, it isn't like that…I didn't have a choice…"

"Please, your worst then any guy I'm friends with…just have a good night for yourself and never call again right Amanda, that's how you work?"

"What did you think was going to happen, it was one night!"

"Yeah…one night for you to mess up and come crawling back, did you ever think for one second that I didn't care, that I was all right with never hearing from you again?"

"I told you, I had a lot going on…it wasn't as if I did this by myself!"

"No, but it was your choice, just come back when things get rough, what the hell do you think I'm going to do huh?"

"Take responsibly for your actions…"

"You mean our actions."

"Adam, I'm so sorry about what happened…but both of us have been though so much, and I just needed to let you know."

"What do you need money?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

"I need you to know what's going on here…"

"Your not thinking about keeping it are you?"

Amanda looked shocked.

"You think I would get an abortion?"

Adam shook his head, his entire body was heating up from being so angry. He never wanted to slap someone so hard in his entire life.

"Well yeah, I sure as hell don't want a kid…I never wanted one."

"Adam, how could you say that…this is your child!"

"No, it's yours…It wasn't my fault and I'm not going to have you use me like so many other men do…no Amanda this is your problem and your going to fix it."

"So just kill our baby, that's it?"

"I'll pay for the abortion, hell I'll even take you there myself…but I am not nor ready to even think about kids right now, I don't even like them…or you at this point."

Amanda was now on the verge of tears.

"You bastard!"

Adam stood up, getting right in her face.

"You can mess up your life if you want Amanda…I no longer care what you do, just don't drag me into it…I've had enough."

Amanda then shoved him with all her might.

"I should of let you rot!"

With that she turned around and ran out of his apartment, slamming the door.

Adam stood there alone for a minute and then covered his mouth with his hand and began sobbing. 


	16. Alone

The months that took place after Amanda had visited weren't good.

Adam hadn't heard from her since then, and had sunken into a deep depression. He no longer cared about work, money, friends, or life in general…now he just waited for a chance to crawl down to the floor and die. A few friends had taken notice and tried their best to cheer him up and get him out of the house, but after ten or so failed attempts they simply gave up on him.

People talked, mostly about how Adam wasn't right in the head anymore since that whole Jigsaw thing.

There was pity, but mostly…no one cared.

Adam mostly sat in his apartment all day with the shades drawn. He hadn't cleaned nor even taken a look at his piling bills…the rent was due but he still didn't care.

He hardly shaved, or took interest in himself. Hours turned into days, and then days turned into months. He only left the house to go out and buy beer. Bottles of empty liquor were piling up as he drank himself to sleep and took handfuls of the pills the doctors had given him.

The pains, and nightmares still weren't going away…in fact they had gotten worse.

Sitting alone every day in the darkness of his apartment, he would drink himself nearly past the point of passing out, and begin to sob for hours on end.

"Why hadn't he died?"

He didn't deserve to live.

His sister had tried calling once, but finally the phone had been shut off. Adam didn't even care at all…he just sat and waited, his doors now always left unlocked…for Jigsaw to come back and take him.

Gretchen had also given up on him…after a few failed attempts in bed she threw her jacket at him and called him a loser before slamming the door.

Adam didn't care any longer…

One night, sitting in his bathtub, Adam had lit a few candles he found since most of the power had been turned off. He knew he had a little money left in the bank…but it didn't even seem worth it now.

Stubble growing thicker on his face, his bloodshot eyes scanned the ceiling, as his hand dangled over the edge of the tub and dropped the empty whiskey bottle he had been drinking. Sitting in the warm foggy water, Adam looked at his wrists and thought for a second about that razor he still had in his medicine cabinet .

Sinking down further in the water, he saw the pile of junk mail and bills that he found in his mailbox earlier. Sitting up in the tub he reached over to the small table where he had tossed his mail, and took the large envelope that he stood out from everything else.

With no return address, Adam tore it open, thinking for a second it was from yet another reporter…then he stopped.

He took out the letter and began to read.

Adam, I really don't know why I sent this to you…but at least know you'll know the results to "our" mistakes…my due date is coming up, I know you still don't want to talk…but here's my number… Adam scanned the numbers and then re-read the letter again. Tossing it to the side he knew it was from Amanda.

She was all ready due?

Time passing like a blur, Adam shook his head and took out the large piece of clear blackish plastic. He held it up to the dim candle light and saw it was a sonogram photo.

He saw the baby…it was a girl.

Staring it at for what seemed like forever, he took a deep breath and studied the baby's fuzzy profile again.

Had he really made that?

Looking at it again he bit his bottle lip and got out of the tub.

He needed to make a phone call. 


	17. I'm sorry

It had been nearly a week since Adam had called the number in the letter. At first he didn't think there would be an answer, but after about five or six rings it finally picked up. Amanda's voice sounded strange after all this time, and seemed broken up and distant on the line. Adam at first really didn't know what to say…so he finally said hello.

Her voice sounded flat with little emotion as he finished telling her that he had received her letter. He told her he wanted to see her in person and talk some things through. Amanda at first told him they had no reason really to see each other, that he had made that point fine and clear a little less then five months ago. Struggling with losing his temper he told her that he knew she really did want to talk and settle things, why did she even send the letter in the first place? After a few minutes more they decided she would meet him at his apartment later that night.

Rushing around, Adam took out three whole bags of trash and tossed them in the dumpster out back. Taking a shower and giving himself a clean shave, he threw on an old shirt of his and a pair of worn out jeans. Looking around his apartment, most of his trash and junk was shoved in the very same closet where he had been attacked, and slid on the lock. He knew it wasn't perfect…but it would have to do. Finally a little past eight the doorbell went off and Adam answered it.

He was stunned.

Amanda looked so different now, in fact he took him at a loss of words as he stood in the doorframe, unable to speak. Her hair was much longer now, and she wore what looked like a black long skirt and thin violet sweater, which showed off her perfectly round stomach. In fact…she looked as if she was about to burst. Standing there for a moment, her dark eyes looked him over and she slowly nodded.

"Hey Adam…"

Adam let her in and walked with her to his couch. Digging his hands deeply in his pockets, he had no idea what to say…in fact he really didn't have any idea what she was doing here in the first place.

"Do you want some coffee?"

"No thanks, can't."

"Oh…well anything else, I might have…"

"No I'm fine…"

She set down her messenger bag and sat on the couch, Adam came over and sat beside her, not being able to take his eyes off her stomach. Settling in the awkward silence she finally looked at him.

"So?"

Gulping he looked her over.

"I guess…I wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I acted."

"What?"

"Treating you like that…I'm telling the truth Amanda, and it might be the only time, but I'm really messed up…ever since it happened I haven't been able to feel normal again." "I wish it would go away…but I feel as if I'm half here most of the time, I'm really beep up…"

Amanda pushed back some of her hair and set one of her hands on her stomach. Adam felt his heart racing as he went on. "And I'll keep telling the truth if that's what you really want to hear…I'll tell you that I really am a bad person who doesn't deserve to still be alive, and I'll say that I don't want this baby…I never wanted kids and I never will."

"So why did you call me?"

"To let you understand how sorry I am…that I shouldn't of clutched onto you like that after just one night, I felt so alone and I thought we might have had something…but honest Amanda, I could never be a father, I'm too messed up."

"And I'm not."

"No…your stronger then me, you could of gotten an abortion, but you didn't…I don't know what you've been up too…but your still going, that's more then I can say."

"I…"

He heard Amanda's voice shake deep inside her throat.

"I liked you Adam…but your not the only one who's messed up, I have this aching going on inside me all the time, as if even the most extreme things won't help…I'm alone and all I have to show for anything is this baby which I don't even deserve." "I've messed up a lot too…and I think I crossed the line when I started to like you, I've been told I let my emotions take the best of me, even from the only person that cares if I live or die…and now I have to give up everything for someone who doesn't even care."

Adam didn't fully understand where she was going with this…but he saw she was getting worked up.

"I'm sorry Amanda, I just wanted you to know that…and there's really not I can do for you, but I wanted to admit that I understand what I did to you, and that your going to have a baby girl all alone…I'm sorry."

Amanda reached out and touched Adam's arm.

"It's okay…at least now you know what you did and you know the results of your actions, that's all I wanted."

Adam felt close to crying himself, really not being able to grasp the trouble he got himself into he simply shook his head.

"I'm just tried you know?"

"Yeah…"

"Even when I'm asleep it feels like I'm going."

"I'm sure there's a place where there is peace…like death."

Adam looked at her.

"With my luck it's going to be an alarm clock ringing all the time."

'No…I think death is just stillness, peace."

"Alone?"

Amanda gave a faint smile and rubbed her stomach.

"Well not anymore…"

Adam cleared his throat, trying to block away the exhausted tears that had formed in his eyes.

"What have you been doing?"

Amanda looked at him.

"I'm staying with a close friend, I've been doing all right."

"You said your due date is coming up?"

"Yeah two weeks…"

Adam nodded.

"I really haven't gotten much together, but at least let me do this…"

He reached behind him from his pack jean pocket and showed her his bank book.

"I have about three thousand in the bank, mostly saved up things from the reporters…I don't really want it, so tomorrow I'm going to cash it all out and give it to you."

"What?"

"Don't take this the wrong way…but it's really all I can do, it's for the baby."

Amanda looked at the bank book and nodded.

"Your not going to be in it's life at all?"

Adam shook his head.

"I think that would be for the best…don't you think?"

Amanda nodded again looking at her stomach.

"I'll be moving away shortly after the baby is born…so you'll probably won't see us anyways."

Adam was temped to ask where, but knew better.

"Will you be okay?"

"Oh sure…we'll be fine."

She smiled as she kept rubbing her stomach.

"I have a reason to keep going…"

Adam felt his heart sink as he wanted her.

"Tomorrow will probably be the last time I'll ever hear from you."

"Yeah…"

"You don't have to tell the baby about me…"

"I will…I'll tell her that her father's name was Adam and that we met when he took a photo of me one day…and that he just drifted away, that's all."

Both stared at each other and Adam nodded.

"I'm sorry Amanda…I'll just mess it up."

"No, it's okay…as much as you think how hard it will be, you only wish it really was that easy."

Adam looked down at his hands and nodded.

"I think not letting me see you, or the baby again might be the smartest thing I'll done so far in my life."

Amanda touched his hand.

"Do you wanna feel it kick?"

Adam looked at her and slowly nodded as he took his hand and placed it on her stomach. After a few moments a slight bump was felt under the palm of his hand. Smiling a little, he felt again and couldn't believe how a messed up person like him made that.

"Do you remember when we first met?"

Adam looked up, still touching her stomach and gave a slight smile.

"On the stairwell…"

"You took my photo."

Adam slowly nodded, remembering back so long ago. The last nice thing he saw before the hell started.

Amanda then leaned in, touching the hair behind his head and gently kissed him on the lips. Shutting his eyes he moved his hand to the side of her cheek and kissed back as their mouths slowly opened and closed.

"I love you Adam…I'll make sure nobody hurts you again."

He heard her whisperer under her breath as they kept kissing…then she stopped.

Adam opened his eyes and looked at her.

"What?"

Suddenly Adam felt dampness soak into the knee of his jeans. Looking up Amanda stared down at herself.

"My water just broke."

Adam froze. 


	18. You stayed

"Adam…I can't feel my fingertips…"

Amanda whispered to Adam as he gasped for breath. Both were sitting in the backseat of a taxi and racing through the late afternoon traffic. It was starting to slowly rain. Adam looked over at her, his eyes looking at how pale she looked and felt terrified.

"Oh God…"

Her face seized up in pain as she put her head lower and tried to get her breath. Adam sat beside her and tried rubbing his pack and his own heart pounded in his chest. Looking at the driver, he yelled for him to hurry up.

Minutes later they arrived at the exact hospital Adam had been treated at after he had been found. Helping her into the emergency room, he ran to the front desk and explained that Amanda had gone into labor. Right away a few nurses came and had her sit in a wheelchair. Amanda started to cry about how fast it was coming. Adam stood there in the middle of all the panic and watched everything play out. Right away a nurse tried shoving a clipboard in his face.

"Last name please…"

"Faulkner…Adam Faulkner, hey is she going to be okay?"

"Yes your wife will be just fine…now I'll need you to sign some of the paperwork."

Adam turned around and saw Amanda being wheeled down the hall, turning her head she saw Adam being left behind and reached out.

"Adam please come…"

Adam then turned and was about to ask the nurse something when the front doors to the lobby burst open and three stretchers wheeled in.

"Car accident, we need all doctors here stat!"

Adam watched as more nurses and paramedics rushed over to them. Being left behind he eyed the clipboard and decided to screw it. Running down the hall he tried to find Amanda.

After a few wrong turns, he asked a doctor on the second floor, where she would have been taken. Taking the elevator up he felt his hands shake…he didn't want to be here for this.

Thinking of making sure Amanda was all right and then leaving for good…he didn't think he would be around for this. The doors opening he rushed over to another nurse and asked if a young woman in labor had just been taken in. The nurse eyed the charts and said that she was about to go into delivery.

"That soon?"

"There's been a completion, the baby is in distress."

Adam stood there in shock.

"What?"

"We hooked her up to the monitors and the baby's heart rate is slowing down, she's all ready dilated."

Adam had no idea what to say…the thought of the baby dying hadn't even crossed his mind. "Are you the father?"

Adam was temped to say no, but he nodded.

"Then I'll get you some scrubs and you can go on in."

Before Adam knew it he was changing into scrubs and being lead into delivery. Walking almost in a dream like state, Adam had really no idea what he was doing here. He was too young for this…how could this have happened?

Inside the delivery room, Adam saw Amanda. She was also in a hospital gown with her hair tied back. Laying on the table she tried breathing in and out as machines beeped around her. The second she saw him she looked peaceful.

The doctors and nurses were getting ready.

Adam walked over to Amanda, who looked up at him.

"I didn't think you would stay…"

Adam didn't say anything back to her as he held her hand and saw the doctor walk in.

Nearly a half an hour later, of screaming and cries. Amanda laid down on the table completely exhausted and barely able to sit up. Her hair soaked back, and her face dripping with sweat…she gave long steady breaths as he clutched onto Adam's hand and pushed with all her might.

Adam eyed the baby's heart rate and saw it was going down again.

The doctor sat on the other end of Amanda. His scrubs were soaked with blood.

"I'm going to need some suction…"

The nurse handed him a rubber tube as an odd sound filled the room.

Amanda was crying now.

"Please just take her out…"

"We're almost there Amanda…now we need you to push again okay?"

Amanda kept breathing hard as she eyed Adam, finally on the count of three, Adam helped her up a bit as she bared down and screamed at the top of her lungs. The doctor kept working and finally nodded.

"Just one more push and we'll be there okay…"

"No, I can't…"

Amanda slowly shook her head.

Adam helped her sit up more as she grabbed onto him.

"I can't…"

"Come on Amanda…you can do it."

Crying she took three deep breaths and began to push with all her might. Adam held onto her as she struggled through the rough labor, and finally fell back. Right away a high pitch screaming filled the room as the doctor smiled and held up the baby.

"It's a girl!"

The baby squirmed in the doctor's hands as Amanda looked up and started crying. Everyone was all smiles as the doctor held the baby up more so Amanda could see.

Adam started at the baby…and without any warning his eyes rolled back into his head and he hit the floor. 


	19. I hate you

"Mr. Faulkner?" 

Adam's eyelids slowly fluttered open from the voice he heard above him. After a moment his eyes cleared and he stared right up at the blinding lights on the ceiling. For a brief moment he thought of the time he woke up in the bathroom…chained up and dripping wet.

Not again…

Then the voice came again and Adam opened his eyes, right away his head began to throb. Looking he saw a nurse standing above him.

He then remembered as he looked up from the small cot placed behind the nurses' station. Outside it was now dark out and the dull glow of the skyscrapers outside twinkled against the rain splattered glass.

He was in the hospital…Amanda had gone into labor and he has past out. Everything was such a blur now due to the fact it all had happened so fast. Thinking for a moment his head ached and he slowly sat up. Right away he thought of the baby and remembered it had been in distress…

Looking up at the nurses' eyes he saw something was wrong. The baby was dead.

"Mr. Faulkner…there seems to be a problem."

Two hours later Adam found himself sitting downstairs in a social worker's office. She had explained to him over and over again that this usually always happened with women like Amanda. She so far had no record, nor insurance due to the fact no information had been given…hell Adam didn't even know her last name.

They said while Adam was asleep she was taken upstairs to rest…when bed checks came around eight she was gone…all that was found was a single note.

It was addressed to Adam, simply saying how sorry she was but she just couldn't do it. That she had tried her best but in the end all she really cared about was what was best for their daughter. She asked Adam to try…just try to have a second chance in loving her, and how the only true reason she was leaving was because she really loved them.

Adam read over the note a million times…he couldn't believe it.

She had left them.

That whole talk they had…it was all lies. She had used him.

Feeling sick to his stomach he explained what had happened, and Amanda and his relationship when this had all happened. Waking up he thought he was being a good person trying to make up for his mistakes, drive her to the hospital and be at her side…now the whore had left him flat and alone with a newborn. 

The social worker told him they would keep their eyes out for Amanda but at this point she could be anywhere…no one saw her even leave the hospital.

She gave him a thick folder full of paperwork and due to what had happened to him the year before, and certain reasons for not being able to support the child, she told him within a week of the child's release he could look over adoption forms. Everything being thrown at him at once the social worker also told him that the baby had been taken to the NECO due to the fact she suffered from heart problems only minutes after birth. So far everything seemed okay.

Adam sat there in a daze.

How could any of this had happened?

Having no one to call, or even speak to he walked down to the nursery where the baby had been taken once she was stable and looked through the window, past all the other happy couples.

Scanning he found his last name on a small plastic crib and saw his daughter.

She was the most tiny thing he ever saw in his life. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and cap, she squirmed and cried.

That was it?

He kept looking through the glass at her. Amazed yet sick to his stomach. 

It then hit him how much he hated Amanda for doing this…and the baby for being born.

Sleeping sitting up on a plastic bench, Adam felt his heart ache deep inside him as the late hours past. By the time morning had come Adam walked back upstairs, not even checking on the baby. The social worker called him into the office and explained that it would take nearly three weeks before they were able to get the certain papers in order for Adam to give the baby up.

Soon an argument started between the two and finally Adam was kicked out of the office. Heated he found one of the nurses and spoke with her…Adam didn't have any insurance and would need to leave the hospital by tomorrow. Feeling like everything was hitting him at once he remembered it was the system that had him end up like this…the system that let people like Amanda go on doing the things they did…the system that let killers walk the streets. 

Deciding that he wouldn't go through the social worker's plan, he thought of just leaving the baby outside of a church downtown within a day or two…there was no way it could be traced, and anyways the baby would most likely end up this way anyways. Not even giving it a moment's thought he stuffed his hands in his pockets and decided that St.Paul's would be the best. It was old fashion but it seemed better then dealing with these jerks that looked down on him all because of what happened.

Spending the rest of the day downstairs, he paced back and forth drinking coffee, and trying his best to avoid any of the workers from upstairs. Around nine that night it hit him he hadn't even checked on the baby.

He didn't care.

Going outside he lit a smoke and cursed under his breath…tomorrow he would this place and finally get rid of the kid, no strings attached or paperwork. He couldn't even stand the thought of knowing she was upstairs. Crushing out his smoke he headed back inside.


	20. Screaming

"Hey I didn't know you had a kid?"

Adam rolled his eyes as he tried his very best to juggle the baby along with the bag the nurse had given him before leaving. Today had turned out to be an utter nightmare. First the hospital had given him a hard time…he tried to explain his sister had flown down and they would decide after a week or two what they would do with the baby.

The truth was once Adam got rid of it he would lie if the social workers checked in and tell them his sister took it back West with her.

Knowing hardly any of that would work he didn't even want to stay in this city any longer as it was. Having a final talk with the nurses, who seemed to pity him they packed him up with some supplies before he had the chance to run to the store, and taught him how to hold her right.

Holding her like a glass doll, he really had no idea what he was doing…in fact for holding his newborn daughter for the first time, he found it more then a pain then anything else.

The baby was dressed and they called for a taxi for him. The entire ride the baby screamed at the tops of it's lungs as Adam tried everything to make it shut up. Feeling his headache he stared down at the tiny thing and felt the urge to just cover it's entire head with his hand before screaming himself.

The drive eyed him the entire time and finally have the "Thank God" look as he got out and tried to walk inside his apartment building. The baby squirmed like a wet eel and kept crying as he juggled back and forth climbing the stairs, forgetting to support her head.

A neighbor passing his way asked him if he knew how to shut his kid up since people were still sleeping. Muttering a "Screw You" Adam finally got his keys out, nearly dropping the baby and opened the door.

Inside he slammed the door shut, feeling better that he was now alone. Throwing the bag to the floor he walked over to the couch and pretty much threw the baby down as he stood back holding his head.

The newborn screamed and wiggled under the wrapped blankets, as Adam felt his blood pressure rise.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

He screamed before leaving the room, walking to the bathroom he grabbed a handful of his pills and tossed them in his mouth trying to block out the cries.

What had he gotten himself into?

Breathing heavy he looked and saw Amanda's jacket still sat on an old wooden chair which sat in the hallway with a stack of newspapers beside it. Never feeling so angry in his life he threw the chair over and stomped on the jacket.

The baby kept screaming…he knew someone would be pounding on his door soon.

How did a twenty-four year old get such a messed up life?

Walking back over he picked the baby up loosely under it's shoulders, the baby was now beat red.

"What do you want huh?"

The baby kept screaming louder and louder. Adam then felt dampness under the blanket. Feeling disgusted he held the baby away from him. Thinking he had no idea how to change her or even feed her…in fact he didn't even have the stuff to do it right with.

"GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

She screamed.

Shaking the baby like a rag doll, he wanted to just throw it on the floor. He hated her more then anything. Tossing it back on the couch the baby kept screaming as he covered his ears and headed back to bed.


	21. Laddy

The phone kept ringing off the hook as Adam laid in his bed. So far no one had come to the apartment to complain of the never ending noise that was stabbing Adam over and over again in the darkness of his bedroom. Hating himself he turned over and put his hands over his ears to muffle the noise that was coming from the living room. It then dawned on him he made…that thing out there in this very bed. Feeling sick he turned over. He knew he would have to wait before ditching the kid, most likely it was too soon and someone might call the cops.

How could he take this any longer…it had only been a few hours. 

Remembering nearly a year ago and hearing from that tape recorder about doing something about dying, yet again he wished he had. Then he wouldn't of been in this mess. Really what had he done so far? He had health problems, was depressed, had no one in his life, knocked up some whore, and was stuck up the kid.

Nice life so far.

Finally he opened his night stand and took another handful of pills before passing out.

Early the next morning he woke up with the urge to puke, shooting out of bed he threw up pretty much anything that had stayed with his stomach for the last forty-eight hours. Feeling achy and out of sorts he shuffled to the living room and looked down.

He froze.

The baby laid on the carpet, tangled in it's blankets with what looked like throw up and mess from her diaper smeared all over her. The smell almost made him want to gag. Taking a step closer the baby gave a frail cry before Adam rolled his eyes and walked into the other room.

Maybe it would die?

Thinking about cracking open a bottle of beer, he looked back into the living room and slowly walked back in and opened the bag that the nurse had given him. The cheap bastards had only given him a few things. Walking back to the baby he picked it slowly up, nearly dropping it again and getting some of the mess on his jeans. Cursing it he held it away and brought the baby, who was in a half daze to the sink.

Filling it up with ice cold water, he dipped the baby in and out and threw out everything she had on around her. Still dripping wet he used an old towel from his bathroom and wrapped her up before setting her on the kitchen table.

He couldn't do this.

Standing near the sink he began to cry.

Just then he heard the baby choke something up. Looking around he sighed and knew he needed to get rid of her today. Slowly walking back towards her he picked her up with the towel and stared down at her.

She was a mess.

Adam began to cry softly to himself, wishing himself and the baby dead. 

"Larry why didn't you kill me!"

He screamed out loud, the baby starting to slowly cry. He then knew another night of this he would find the baby dead. Crying he held the baby before there was a knock on the door. Pausing at first he thought of not answering it.

Then he held the baby closer and opened the door.

It was Mrs. Sawyer, an older women who seemed friendly enough and back a while ago Adam used to fix her sink whenever it gave her trouble. Today she looked concerned.

"Adam…what is that noise?"

Adam didn't know what to say, he stood there with the baby in his arms before she pushed him aside and took a look at the apartment.

"This place smells awful…what have you been doing in here?"

Adam then felt ashamed, he let his newborn roll around on the floor as he zoned out on drugs in the next room. As much as he hated her mother he knew killing the baby wouldn't solve anything.

"Oh dear what is that!" 

She went over to Adam and looked down at the baby.

"Adam who is this?"

Adam paused as Mrs. Sawyer all ready began to fuss over her.

"Laddy…she's my daughter."

She looked up half in shocked.

"Adam she's a newborn…I didn't know you had a daughter."

Adam slowly nodded. 

"It's a long story…"

Mrs. Sawyer gave him a warm look in the eyes.

"Then let's get this baby some blankets and you can tell me."

Adam nodded before looking down at the baby

Laddy…he didn't know why that name stuck out, in fact he was looking at the baby more as a thing the last three days.

Slowly shaking his head tears dripped down his eyes.

"I need your help Mrs. Sawyer…"


	22. Loving a life

Adam was awoke by the faint sounds of crying at the bottom of his bed. Cracking one eye open he stared up at his ceiling and took a deep breath. Like it was a second habit, he swung his legs off the bed and shuffled over to the baby. At the bottom of the bed was the crib that Mrs. Sawyer had bought with him second hand at the flea market last month. Bending down he picked the baby up half awake and softly patted the back of her one piece suit. Holding her up against his shoulder he tried to coo the baby as he walked through the darkness of his apartment and into the kitchen.

Grabbing a bottle, he took the half filled pan of water and dipped his finger in to test to warmth. Placing the bottom in he waited the right about of time like Mrs. Sawyer had taught him and walked slowly back and forth holding the baby. 

"Shhh…it's all right daddy has you."

It had been nearly three months since Adam had begged for help from Mrs. Sawyer. He really tried to block that period of time out of his head since he had been so abusive to Laddy and had nearly killed her. 

How could he had been so stupid?

He understood it wasn't the baby's fault for what had happened, and if he really couldn't handle it he shouldn't of gotten so angry at the social worker and leave like that. But so far everything seemed to slowly be taking care of itself. Mrs. Sawyer sat down that afternoon and had a very long talk with him. After breaking down and crying she hit him with the truth…he really did almost kill the baby.

He returned to the social worker's offices and told them flat out that he needed help, yet wanted to try his best to keep his daughter. He knew deep down inside he didn't want a child, nor knew how to take care of one and himself…but he needed to try.

He had screwed up so many things in his life…he couldn't mess this one up.

The thought of leaving Laddy with strangers, or just waiting till she died weighed down his stomach. He had to face fact that he got himself into this mess…and he wasn't going to neglect and throw away his last chance.

The social worker would come twice a month to check up on things. Adam looked over the programs and classes they offered and decided to finally get his stuff together. First Mrs. Sawyer told him she would be more then happy to watch and help take care of the baby whenever he was busy looking for a job. Adam thanked God that she was such a nice lady…teaching him the basic things of feeding, changing, and having the patience to take care of a newborn.

It was harder then it looked.

Adam meanwhile answered an add at a camera store just down town within walking distance. The pay wasn't that hot but he still had that three thousand in the bank from before. Thinking of maybe contacting one of the reporters that had tried striking a deal with him…he might be able to sell his story yet again to the papers, no matter how low it sounded.

Also once a month he would have to go down to the social worker's office and see what they had to offer him. Finally for the first time maybe in Adam's life he wasn't being stubborn, he had to put aside his pride and problems and start to worry about the baby.

Mrs. Sawyer stayed with the baby five days out of the week, she was retired and either stayed with the baby at his place, helping picking up, or stayed on her floor watching her soaps as the baby mostly slept. Adam insisted he paid her fifty every week.

She helped him buy clothes and things the baby would need. He knew he didn't have nearly half of the stuff you really needed for a baby, but it would just have to do. Most of the money he made went to the baby anyways. Mrs. Sawyer was nice enough to also stop by flea markets and pick up little odds and ends for the baby too. Adam became all used to the routine of the lack of sleep, and any spare moment he did have spending it with the baby.

He worked on stop drinking and abusing his pills. He had the baby on his lap or sleeping in his arms whenever he watched TV or was busy trying to clean up around the house to make things look decent. The baby so far had highchair, crib, and bouncy seat…in which Adam put her in most of the time surrounded by a nest of blankets. He used an old dresser of his as a changing table, and had a bag in which he carried most of her stuff.

The social worker gave him food stamps, and a card to a free clinic in which the baby would get it's shots and check ups at.

It seemed as if every waking moment was about her.

But for once Adam didn't mind…his life was too messed up to even think of right now.

Soon he became used to the task of changing and bathing her, the spit up and loud never ending cries. He spent his time working, and going around the house and trying his best to save money.

His next thing he wanted for her was a stroller, and maybe start looking for a daycare so Mrs. Sawyer could have a break once in a while. Other then that he was buying stuff for her and taking care of her every single spare second he had.

He also began taking photos again. He messed around mostly with a digital camera he had since he really couldn't deal with film any longer. He snapped pics of the baby every chance he got. Slowly he began feeling a protection he needed with her, and laughed whenever she did something cute or giggled up at him.

He was starting to love her.

Not even thinking about Amanda, Adam began feeding the baby and looking down at her.

He loved her…and knew this was his real chance to live.

So at age twenty-five…Adam was now a father.


	23. Help me

Nearly a year had past since Laddy had been born.

Adam still couldn't believe that this much time had past. Lot of changes that happened in his life the past two years, most of them bad…all expect for Laddy.

Finally coming clean and picking up the shattered pieces of his life, Adam tried his hardest in living a normal life and not screwing up the one thing he did right…which was make Laddy. A few years ago he was a carefree angry punk living life as if it was one big party. Then last year he was a pill popping junky who nearly lost the child he was given…now he was trying to be a responsible father.

He hadn't thought of Amanda at all in all this time, in fact whenever the topic of Laddy's mother came up he didn't think of the Amanda he slept with, or stood with in the hospital the baby was born, no Adam thought of the stranger he met that faithful day on the stairs. The sad yet beautiful woman he took a photograph of.

Between visits and check ins by the social worker, spending every spare moment taking care of the baby, and working double shifts to support the two of them…Adam thought if this was what Jigsaw meant by not wasting life and living a normal one.

The baby was getting big, in fact her first birthday was coming up. She looked a lot like Adam, in fact all the women who looked after her in daycare said so. Her eyes were light hazel, and her hair was all ready coming in a thick brown. She was chubby and slept through the night now, and whenever Adam dropped her off at Mrs. Sawyer's or daycare…she screamed her head off. Adam felt proud as a father…he was starting to be able to afford things for her, and find time to take care of her and really feel happy. He didn't work weekends, which left time for him to just spend time with her.

One day he decided to take her to the park.

It was a beautiful crisp day, and Adam walked down the small trails pushing the stroller with Laddy inside. The large oak trees slowly rocked back and forth as Adam looked on at couples laying on blankets, and kids playing Frisbee. Looking down at Laddy, who wore a purple sweater with bumble bees on it, Adam smiled and saw further up the hill was a small play park for children. 

Pushing Laddy closer to it, he saw seven or so grade school children running around on the equipment and tossing sand around. Remembering when he was a kid, he laughed to himself looking back at all the times he threw plastic balls in his sister's face and hiding behind the monkey bars before his mother found him. Speaking of his sister he had only gotten two other phone calls from her…Adam now mailed her back and forth and sent photos of Laddy. His sister as always seemed distant, yet happy and suspired for him and his daughter.

When she asked about the mother, all Adam said was she was gone…long gone.

But what if she showed up one day and wanted to take the baby back.

Adam felt his blood pressure rise as he slowly answered on the phone.

"Well I'll kill her then."

No…nobody was taking the only happiness away from him.

Spotting a few middle aged mothers all circled around on benches talking, Adam felt like an outsider as the only male, trying to avoid eye contact he tried to find another place to sit…just then a voice called out to him.

"Sir?"   
Adam looked in the direction of the women and saw they were all smiling, one woman waved him on.

"Come sit over here…there's room."

Feeling a bit embarrassed, Adam smiled and wheeled Laddy over before sitting on the edge of one of the benches, the women all looked at him and smiled.

"Hi…I'm Jane, this is Meg, Judy, and Lisa."

"Hi…Adam."

He shook the woman's hand before she leaned over and smiled looking at the baby who was playing with a rubber dog toy Adam had bought her. 

"And who is this?"

All ready Adam knew she baby talk would come.

Adam looked down at the baby and gently rocked the stroller with his foot back and forth, knowing she was getting tried now.

"This is Laddy…"

All the women leaned in to look and cooed over how cute she was.

"How old is she?"

"Ten months."

"Oh my lord isn't she the cutest!"

Adam smiled and thanked them.

"Letting the mother take a day off huh?"

Adam laughed a little. 

"Yeah I guess so…"

"What a good baby, look at how peaceful she is."

Adam looked down at the baby feeling proud.

"Thanks."

"Just wait until their that age…not so peaceful anymore."

One woman pointed to the children running around.

Adam smiled before checking his watch, he really felt uneasy around all these women.

"I'm sorry…she needs to get put down for her nap, it was nice meeting you."

Standing up Adam pushed Laddy away, over hearing the women giggle about how cute he was and how good he was with the baby. 

Returning home, Adam checked his messages and knew he needed to call Mrs. Sawyer in the morning about watching Laddy as he was asked to work another shift on Sunday. Changing Laddy, he put her into her Pjs and placed her down in the crib.

Pulling a blanket over her, he placed her rubber dog beside her and spun the plastic mobile which now hung over her crib.

"Sweet dreams baby."

Adam said, kissing his hand and reaching through the bars of the crib. Smiling he flicked off his bedroom light and went into the living room to relax.

An hour later she began to cry.

Checking on her, right away he knew something was wrong. She was sweating and was hot to the touch. Adam picked her up and tried soothing her before he noticed her lips were turning blue. In total panic he didn't know what to do and ran to the phone.

The doctors were busy…

Holding the baby as she started to scream, he ran down the hall and tried Mrs. Sawyer…she wasn't home.

That's when the baby started to puke.

Taking her back inside, Adam tried everything to calm the baby down as she kept throwing up over his shoulder, having no idea what to do he tried the doctor's at least five time before deciding to take a taxi to the hospital.

That's when he remembered…Larry's wife, he still had her number.

For no reason at all he thought of her and remembered how she had visited him while he was in the hospital. He really didn't know why she was the first person to pop into his mind, but he thought she might know what to do seeing she had a daughter of her own.

Having not even thought of Larry in once, Adam began to shake as he picked up the phone. 

Twenty minutes later Alison, dressed in a very expensive looking coat stood at his door. On the verge of tears, Adam for a second didn't think she was going to show and was just about ready to head to the hospital.

"Where is she?"

She asked.

Adam felt shocked, he hadn't seen this woman in nearly two years…she looked very different with a shorter hair style…but still just as beautiful. On the phone she seemed very surprised it was Adam on the other line. He was in such panic everything came out in a nearly stutter as he told her his baby was burning up and how the doctors weren't picking up. He asked if he should take her to the hospital.

It took Alison a second before she spoke, first asking if it was really Adam, then asking… 

"Wait…you have a baby?"

It was too long to explain, but he told her she was getting worse and she told him not to move the baby and how she would be right there.

Now here she was…Larry's wife.

Pushing past him she went to the crib where Laddy had been screaming the last few minutes. She was all ready starting to puke again. Alison leaned down, picking the baby up and looking her over as Adam paced back and forth biting his nails. 

"I tried the doctors at least five times…she screams whenever I pick her up like she's in pain."

Alison looked over the baby and didn't even seem bothered as the baby puked a fresh batch right over the shoulder of her coat. Holding the baby she rubbed her back and looked at Adam.

"Try the doctor's one last time…we shouldn't move her, if not call 911."

Adam almost fainted, but ran to the phone and tried again…this time someone picked up.

For fifteen minutes Alison and Adam paced back and forth in the kitchen with the doctor on the phone. He explained that the baby's pressure was up and how the fever would break if they gave her a cold bath…if she didn't get any better then to take her to the office right away. At first Adam didn't want to chance it, but Alison explained that the same thing almost happened to her daughter when she was an infant. Going to the bathtub, Alison drew an ice cold bath and rolled up her slacks as Adam and her slowly eased into the tub with the baby in their hands. 

Laddy screamed once touching the freezing water, Adam felt tears blur his eyes temped to yank her out of the water and hold her…but Alison forced him to start putting the water over her body to cool her. Both adults sitting in the tub, getting their clothes soaked…they sat as they slowly sprinkled water over the baby and waited.

An hour later the fever broke.

Both stood beside her crib looking down, Alison now in sweats and a T-shirt Adam let her wear as her clothes dried in the bathroom. They called the doctor and he told them it was just a bad fever, most likely a bug and not to worry.

Adam still felt unsure and watched the baby like a hawk…she was past out cold.

Taking Alison to the kitchen, he made them coffee as they waited for her clothes…there they caught up. Adam told her all about Amanda and how she had left them…he told her that he decided if he couldn't fix his own screwed up life, then he was going to try with his daughter's. Alison listened, but didn't give the pity glances that almost everyone else had. She told him how brave that was of him and from the looks of it he was doing a great job.

Alison had stayed with her parents for a while after the whole thing had happened. 

Diana was getting big now and was attending a private school. Alison showed Laddy a few photos of her from her purse and smiled looking down…she seemed to be the only thing that really pulled her through it. Adam asked how she was doing…and Alison just slowly shook her head, saying it was much like her, just one day at a time. 

She was working at the publishing house that she had run before Diana was born. They were living in a new apartment, and slowly things seemed to be going back to normal. But she was still having nightmares of her husband.

Adam then knew…no one that went through this hell, even the families would be the same.   
But Alison was a lot like him…their daughters were slowly getting them through it

Looking at her big blue eyes, Adam sighed remembering how Larry had stayed on the blood sprayed ground and promised him that everything would be all right.

Had it? 

Alison was starting to softy cry, as she apologized and tried to wipe the tears away.

"Adam?"

Adam looked up, almost in a half daze.

"Adam…I really can't get over it, seems like every night I hear Larry calling my name."

Adam know felt like crying.

"Me too…"

Alison then leaned over and cupped Adam's face with one of her hands, softly kissing his cheek.

"Adam…will you sleep with me tonight?" 

Knowing what she meant, and how she wanted just for a few hours to numb the pain away from it all…Adam nodded.

"Okay." 

And with that he kissed her back.


	24. You know

Alison sat on the edge of Adam's bed and hung up his phone.

"Diana is spending the night with her friends."

Adam stood across the room and looked up as he unbuttoned his shirt. A few feet away Laddy slept peacefully in her crib. Alison flicked off the light on the nightstand, and slowly pulled up her shirt as Adam began undoing his pants.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"This…this isn't wrong of me is it?"

"No…I don't think so." 

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I know why Larry didn't kill you."

"Why?"

Alison looked across the room at him.

"I think you know…"

Adam bit his bottom lip and nodded.

A little while later, Laddy laid awake in her crib looking up at her mobile. The bedroom window lit up very few minutes from passing cars from down the street, and lit up buildings around in the middle of the night. The baby wiggled as a few feet away in the bed Adam laid on top of Alison in dead silence. Alison looked up at him with her big blue eyes, holding on to him as he stared down at her in a very direct way and slowly thrusted in and out. There wasn't much passion, nor anything else. Alison kept looking into his eyes as he went in and out in a steady pace, slow and easy as the room began to softly become lit with moonlight. Alison held onto him tighter as he leaned down for a moment and buried his head down beside her neck and then brought it back up…eyes still fixed on each other.

Her mouth then opened a little, a small escape of a moan came from her lips as he began to quicken…his back arched he finished and laid on top of her.

Taking a moment to catch his breath they didn't say anything…slowly Alison slipped her hand into his.

"Adam?" 

Adam looked up at her for a second.

Alison softly kissed his lips before touching his faded scar on his shoulder.

And with that he held her and they slept.

The next morning Adam woke up to find a note from her. Not feeling that surprised he read it half awake and saw that she had left earlier and in case there were any changes with the baby to call her. Knowing that was mostly just a one night thing, he crumpled up the paper and put his head back and down decided to sleep the rest of the morning before the baby woke.

The next few weeks went by rather quick. He didn't think of that night too much as he went about working and watching Laddy.

Her first birthday came and the daycare in which they watched her afternoons celebrated it. Picking her up that day, Adam laughed seeing they had placed a birthday hat on her tiny head. 

"She beat most of our children in finger paints today." 

Adam laughed while signing her out.

"That so?" 

The young woman smiled, nearly flirting with him as he picked Laddy up in her car seat and thanked them before heading to the car outside. Driving back home in the car her had bought a little less then six months ago second hand from a buddy of his…Adam glanced over at the baby.

It had been a year.

Smiling he watched the road and softly touched her cheek.

That's when Laddy giggled and said something which nearly made Adam drive off the road.

"Daddy."


	25. Perfectly Clear

A few months had past and one rainy afternoon, Adam decided to maybe start cleaning out the old dark room.

It was a Saturday afternoon and he didn't have to work, having spent most of the morning fussing around with Laddy he now had her sitting in her playpen in the middle of the living room. The baby was now standing and spent hours gurgling small little words she had just started to learn the last couple of months. Looking at her Adam smiled…she was getting pretty big fast and her entire head was now covered in thick brown hair.

Surrounded by a bunch of stuffed animals, Laddy tried to steady herself as she held onto the side of the netting and looked up at Adam as he crossed the room.

"Dada…doggy…ups."

Smiling he opened the room, which he had only been in a couple of times since the whole thing had happened and flicked on the main light. He knew almost everything in there was covered in dust and cobwebs, and most likely trash now. Looking around he checked the chemicals and saw they hadn't gone over, neither did the few pieces of equipment he still had.

It really didn't matter anyways…he had thrown out all the photographs of Lawrence.

Thinking of him seemed funny, he never thought nearly two years since he was chained up screaming in a blood soaked bathroom…that he was would sleeping with the man's wife who sat across from him.

The same man who tried to save his life.

Alison and him had been seeing each other off and on during those past couple of months. It struck Adam strange to be back in a relationship again, but somehow things seemed better.

Alison was very interesting and beautiful. They mostly went out to eat whenever someone could sit for Laddy, or just spent time over at his apartment.

The one time he did visit her new apartment was earlier that month…in which he saw Diana. A little stunned to see her sitting at their kitchen table, she looked up from her homework and gave Adam an odd look. Alison tried to introduce the two of them but Diana threw back her chair and ran into her room. Alison tried to apologize for her behavior, but Adam waved it off telling her it was normal.

Adam could tell Diana was a smart kid…and knew there would be a problem with her mother screwing the same man who had watched her father saw his own leg off.

Trying not to think about it, they agreed that for now on they would meet up at his apartment instead, or at least until Diana warmed up to Adam a bit. Adam knew deep down inside that would never happen.

The dates were nice and a chance for Adam to relax, spending more time with Alison he began to know how Larry had fallen for her.

Feeling content with his life, Adam seemed to like the fact a woman was in his life.

She came over once a week, they either went out or stayed in and she spent the night. The sex was normal…in fact getting better from before. There was less silence and awkwardness between them. Just last night she had come over and they had dinner together. The rest of the night the two of them laid down on the carpet, watching Laddy crawl around and laughing from her different attempts on walking.

Smiling to himself he looked over the small counters and old wheeled up film marker he said before he stopped dead.

His old camera.

He hadn't even seen nor thought of that in what seemed like forever. Slowly picking it up the weight felt awkward to him since he had gotten so used to using digital. Looking it over he saw scuff and dent marks.

He then remembered when he last used it, right away his entire body froze up as he dropped the camera onto the counter. Feeling his mouth dry up like cotton he took a deep breath and felt his heart begin to race. He knew he was going into a panic attack. Turning around he raced out of there and ran to the bathroom. Taking three pills he swallowed them hard and tried to get under control.

Laddy began to sound fussy as she let out a small cry. Adam went to her, never wanting to hold her so badly before in his life and scooped her up in his arms before gently rocking her back and forth.

"Shhh…it's okay."

Pressing himself against the wall, he felt sweat begin to roll down his forehead. He didn't know if he should call Alison or 911. He thought he was going into a heart attack. Slowly breathing in and out he looked down at Laddy who was grabbing onto his shirt and laughing. 

A little while later he decided to see what it had taken. Standing there doing the old process he did over a million times before, he tried to take deep breaths in the red tint of the light. He had no idea how the police hadn't even found it.

Trying to hurry things along he hung the nearly dark photographs up and left the dark room as soon as he could, not even bothering to look at them. Scrubbing his hands at the kitchen sink…he took Lady onto his lap and stayed on the couch for nearly an hour…not wanting to see what had developed.

A little while later he finally put the baby down to sleep and shuffled back into the dark room, snatching up the pile of photos and heading back to his couch. With the TV on mute he sat underneath one of the lights and began flipping through them. 

There were a few of some skyscrapers, one of an old rock show he saw at a local club, two of Larry in the parking-lot which he nearly dropped out of his hand, then…

He saw the photo he took of Amanda on the stairwell. Stopping he looked at the photograph for a long time, remembering that day.

Sighing he noticed for the first time ever how sad he truly looked. Shaking his head Adam then saw the photos he took in his apartment that night.

Most of them were just to light his way, he tried to get through them faster as he began to feel his heart race again. Then he found the last couple.

The closet…then the thing that had attacked him.

They were mostly blurry, what seemed to look like a mask and red.

He gulped and remembered how that thing had jumped out of him through the darkness. Sliding them away from his hand he then screamed.

It was perfectly clear…

He saw Amanda in the photo.


	26. Crying for a child

Alison came as soon as he called. Standing in the living room, Adam paced back and forth trying to smoke his cigarette as he explained everything to her. Alison sat on the couch slowly looking over the photos…most of all the last one.

Adam couldn't believe it.

A week later finally things were settled at the police station. It had been nearly a good three months since they had last heard from Jigsaw…in fact Detective Mathews had gone missing. Having heard about it mostly in the news, Adam felt his stomach turn as Alison and himself were given the full report. Detective Kerry Anderson was now in charge of the case and sat with Adam as he told his story from start to finish…showing her the photographs.

There was really no answer to it all.

Adam explained how he knew hardly anything about her, the way they broke up and how she showed up at his doorstep the day she went into labor…within hours of Laddy being born she had ran out of him. Nothing…not even a trace.

They had tried their hardest to find out more about this woman…the most they could tell Adam was that she also was a victim of Jigsaw. Frozen Adam couldn't believe it. Hours went by as they showed him police tapes and told him step by step on what had happened to her.

Her full name was Amanda Young…she was thirty-four years old and came from Florida. Other then that a lot about her was unknown. Only that she had been a junkie and sent to prison twice. Kerry asked if Laddy had been born out of compilations, Adam nodded…she explained that Amanda's drug use could have had something to do with that. She told him that Jigsaw had kidnapped her again and she was held with a few others…Detective Matthew's son explained that Amanda had been by his side the entire time and had been killed shortly before he blacked out.

The boy was now living in another state.

Kerry told Adam more then anything that Amanda had been killed. She might have had something to do with his kidnapping, since it was only shortly after her own, or she was forced into it and the guilt got to much.

Adam felt like he was passing through in a blur again. 

They took the photographs as evidence and right before they walked out, Adam could tell Kerry felt sorry for him, and that she was suffering on the inside too.

"Take my advice…make sure your daughter is out of harms way, seems that Jigsaw came back for Amanda, and might come back for you too."

Walking out those words stuck Adam hard as he drove with Alison back to his apartment. Mrs. Sawyer had been watching Laddy downstairs. After picking her up Adam went to the kitchen sink and rolled up his sleeves, drawing a small bath for Laddy before she would be put down. Alison entered slowly rubbing her arms.

"You okay?" 

Adam slowly shook his head.

Walking beside him she helped as they bathed the baby together in silence. An hour later the baby was fast asleep in the crib as Alison and Adam showered together. Standing in the tub with the warm beating beads of steaming hot water hitting their bare skin, Adam wrapped his arms around Alison's waist and leaned in softly kissing her shoulder blades. He wanted so badly to try and forget about this…but deep inside his mind different things crept.

Afterwards both went to his bedroom and had sex. Adam sat up as Alison slowly rose herself up and down on his lap, shutting her eyes and tilting her head towards the ceiling. Adam tried to relax as his hand took hold of the sheets underneath him…but his eyes kept opening and he kept looking at Laddy in the crib.

After they finished they both laid together in the darkness holding each other, Alison could tell something else was on his mind.

Looking up, Alison gently touched his face before sighing…she didn't even want to tell Adam in the first place.

"Adam?"

Adam looked down. 

"I'm pregnant."

Adam took a second for it to hit him.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant…nearly three months."

Adam couldn't believe it. With everything going on this was the last thing he wanted to hear. Two women so far he had slept with had been knocked up.

"Why…why didn't you tell me?"

Alison shifted up a little to look in his eyes, calm as ever.

"I needed time to think, God knows we have a lot on our minds."

"So…what do you want to do?" 

Adam for once wasn't angry…stunned a little, but not angry. He liked Alison and as strange as he sounded the words of hearing he got her pregnant didn't sound that bad. He loved Laddy with all his heart, and having another one as bad as an idea that might be…sounded like great news just at that moment.

"I'm going to get an abortion…I've thought this out."

Adam looked suspired.

"You wanna kill it?"

Alison sat up more, using the sheet to cover herself.

"I…I had one done with Larry before."

Adam looked at her.

"It was a few years ago…a baby boy, Larry always wanted a boy." 

"What happened?"  
"I was almost in my fifth month when we got the test results back…the baby was going to be born handicapped."

Adam felt stunned remembering how he asked Larry if he planned on having any other children.

"Larry took it pretty hard, I think that's what made the marriage fall apart."

"So now you want another one?"

"Adam…I really like you, but we have too much going on, I can see it in your eyes…it just isn't right."

Adam for once in his life was too tried to argue, looking down at his hands his eyes shifted to Larry, the one thing that meant the most to him in life…he had all ready been thinking of what he would do to protect her on the ride home, and now it seemed clearer then ever.

Looking at Alison's perfectly flat stomach he sighed before looking up at her. 

"Okay then…what do you want me to do?"

"Next week I'm getting it done, can you go with me?"

Adam nodded.

"Sure…"

"Until then I don't think we should see each other…"

Adam nodded.

"I agree…go back home to your daughter."

Alison touched his face before leaning in and kissing him.

"If it was any other time I wouldn't even think twice…"

She whispered in his ear. Nodding he watched her dress before she smiled and left the apartment. Sitting there in shock Adam got out of bed pulling on a pair of sweats and picking Laddy up from the crib. Returning back to bed he held her and looked out the window and started to cry for the unborn baby that Alison was going to kill. He wanted it more then anything…but knew she was right.

Crying he then decided once and for all.

He was going to give Laddy up for adoption.


	27. A final game

A week had past since Alison had last been to Adam's apartment. A week since Adam made the sickening discovery that Amanda might or might not have had something to do with his kidnapping. A week since Alison told him in bed, in one of the most relaxed and settle tones he had ever heard in his life that she was pregnant and planning on having an abortion. A week since Adam learned his unborn child with her would die in a little less then six days, and a week since he finally decided on how to keep his daughter safe.

The decision had been hard, in fact Adam had lost a good amount of sleep, tossing and turning as he tried to figure everything out. He really did just start getting his life back together once Laddy was born, in fact she was the only important thing left in his life.

But between everything that had hit him so suddenly last week, he knew the police were right…if Amanda wasn't dead and had something to do with the things that had happened…she might be looking for Laddy. And as for the man who they labeled as Jigsaw…he might return for him too. The thought of putting his baby in danger sent chills down Adam's spine as he spent the long hours of work staring off into space.

He had wanted to call Alison but decided other wise. Taking a visit to the social worker…he began to file a request for adoption. His reasons were simple…mostly for her safety…and for Laddy to live a better life with parents that could provide and give her everything she wanted.

Her real parents were too screwed up for that. Thinking…all they were at the beginning were two strangers crossing paths on a stairwell…

Filling out stacks of paperwork, he understood the overall process would be long and emotionally shattering for his part. The only thing he truly cared about at this point was making sure Laddy was all right.

Keeping it to himself, he knew within a few months they would want him to start looking at couples who might be interested. Adam also agreed that whoever he picked should be a family who lived far away so he wouldn't have any contact with them. He knew as long as Laddy had no ties to him…she would be safe.

Thinking about Alison one night as he laid awake in bed, his thoughts kept going back to Larry. In an odd way he really did love that man, even if they were together for just a few hours.

Would he approve on everything that happened?

The truth was he really did like Alison, the time they shared together was good…but he understood that she also was very much like him, trying her best to really cut away the pain and try to go forward. Any relationship with him could cause harm towards her own daughter.

Thinking to himself if she was pregnant with a boy or a girl…Adam drifted off to sleep and began to dream of living someplace peaceful with children running around. A place without death or anything harmful. Waking up a little while later he took Laddy into bed with him and softy sung to her.

In two days he would take Alison to the clinic. After that he would begin looking for few parents for his baby girl. Sighing he held Laddy tight and slowly drifted back to sleep.

Somewhere else, in the darkness an older man who felt weaker by the day watched a young woman sleep…a pair of old dirty boots at the bottom of her bed. 

Simply shaking his head he knew her test would come soon, and that he had to make sure the child would be taken care of. Things had gotten out of hard far too much and it needed to be stopped. He only prayed she would be able to play this final game.

With that he slowly slipped out of the dark warehouse and started walking through the dark city.


	28. Game over final chapter

Adam had dropped Laddy off at daycare a little after eight. Heading straight to work he informed his boss that the next day he would have to take the morning off for a medical reason. Understanding his boss gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and told him not to worry about it and how he understood it was hard raising little ones. Giving a weak smile Adam tried to focus his mind on work instead of a million and one problems that were slowly backing up in his head.

Around five he got off work and decided he would see Alison before he picked up Laddy, he didn't know if this was the best idea in the world…but he felt he needed to see her before they drove to the clinic tomorrow. Knocking on the apartment door, Diana answered and gave him a strange look as he stood in the doorway.

"Hi…Diana is your mother home?"

Alison then walked in front of the door behind her daughter, she looked at Adam as if he was the last person she wanted to see at that moment. Feeling his visit was a mistake, Adam thought about turning around and calling her later tonight…but Alison cleared her throat.

"Don't be rude Diana."

Diana lifted her eyes at Adam and simply turned in the opposite direction, a few moments later the sound of her bedroom door was heard shutting. Standing there in silence Alison moved to the side.

"Come in…"

Adam walked in as she shut the door behind him, turning around and looking at her right away he felt unstable. Trying to control himself he stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried to find the right words to say.

"Come on in the living room…you want anything?"

Alison was all ready making her way to the couches as Adam followed behind.

"No…I'm fine, just wanted to see you."

Alison sat herself down on one of her cream colored couches before looking across at him as he settled down.

"I was going to call you tonight and tell you the plans."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…my appointment is at eight in the morning, Diana will all ready be at school." 

"I'll have Mrs. Sawyer watch Laddy…"

"It won't take long…just drive me back here so I can get into bed, Diana is going to spent the night over her aunts."

"Does she know?"

Alison simply shook her head.

"I told my sister about it…but no Diana doesn't know."

"That's good."  
"Yeah…but she's smart, I think she knows something is going on."

Adam stared down at his hands.

"Would you rather come back to my apartment?"

Alison simply shook her head.

"No…in fact I don't think we should see each other anymore after this, things are getting too confusing."

Adam took a heavy breath before slowly getting up and sitting beside her. Staring into her big blue eyes he felt his heart begin to slowly thump. He slowly reached over and touched her cheek.

"Keep the baby."

Alison looked down and simply shook her head. 

"I can't…"

"Why?"

"You know why…it was just a mistake."

"That's what Laddy was…" 

"Yeah, but you know the truth, it just wouldn't work out."

Adam felt himself ready to cry, he tried his best to hold it inside before he began sobbing right in front of her. 

"Please…please don't kill the baby."

Alison leaned over, cupping Adam's face with her hands and kissing him softly on the lips. Adam held onto her as they held each other for a few minutes. Somehow this reminded Adam of the time Larry and him held each other on the bathroom floor. Shortly after Adam left feeling humiliated and totally alone. Somehow yet again he screwed things up for himself. Walking to his car outside he knew that tomorrow it would be done and finally finished. No matter how much he would fight with her, or try to stop it from happening…it was all ready out of his hands.

Rain began to fall from the darkened sky. Adam looked up as he zipped up his jacket and felt raindrops gently hit his face. For that one moment in his life he felt peaceful…as if nothing could touch him.

Getting into his car, he put on his high beams and used the windshield wipers as he drove along the back roads outside of the city. Silent tears went down his face as he laughed to himself. Who was he kidding…Alison didn't want to be with a closer like him. She was married to a doctor of God's sake…she didn't want some deadbeat who might or might not have been the cause of her husband's death. He had screwed up everything…even Laddy. Hating Amanda, and the man who had done this all to him he just wished that none of this had ever happened.

Fifteen minutes later he reached the preschool and headed inside. Walking into the small classroom, he spotted Laddy right away and smiled as she sat on the carpet with a few other babies and slowly pushed plastic blocks around. Somehow as awful as he had been feeling…just seeing here there brightened his day. Walking over to sign her out the teacher flirted with him and informed him that she was getting better at trying to stand and walk. Adam smiled as he handed her back the clipboard and got her car seat ready. There was five or six attempts of trying to get her hooked in, but she kept wiggling out of his grip to play with the others who were still waiting for their parents to pick them up. Finally Adam pretended to leave the room and said goodbye to her, as she began screaming at the top of her lungs and crying…this time there was no problem at all getting her in the seat.

Outside it was pitch black out and the rain was getting heavy, hurrying to the car he hooked Laddy into the seat as he reached around front. Starting up the engine he eyed Laddy in the rearview mirror and began driving up towards the highway.

A few minutes past in which he eyed Laddy starting to slowly drift off as she held her rubber dog in one hand. Smiling he took the off ramp onto the back roads which cut off at least a good twenty minutes of city traffic. Driving past wooded area, he drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel and reached to flip on the radio.

That's when it made an off noise and a voice that Adam swore he would never hear again filled up the speakers of his car.

"Hello Adam…I would like to play a game."

Suddenly the thoughts of Amanda, Alison, Laddy, the abortion, and so many other things that had taken over his life the past two years…became shattered as he heard that one voice fill the car. Freezing, Adam clutched onto the steering wheel, praying he would just wake up and it would be a dream. The tape played on…

"It has been some time since you played my last game, but you didn't win my son, you were nearly saved from blinded lust and pity…I have said it once and I'll say it again, you're an angry person Adam and people like you sit back and watch your life waste away."

Adam thought for sure his bladder would let go as his heart began to race deep in his chest, his eyes drifted back to Laddy who was now sound asleep. He then remembered the nightmare he had a while back of waking up tied up to a chair with some device on his head…and how Laddy was laying only a few feet away. He remembered Jigsaw's cold voice telling him through the darkness that he would be killed if he didn't kill the baby. Waking up screaming, he took Laddy in his arms and tried to block out the thought of Jigsaw even coming close to her.

"You didn't deserve to escape the last time, but I struck a deal up with the person who committed this act for you…the same person you threw out on the street and mistreated like you did in the beginning like your child."

Flashes of Amanda came through his head.

"I tried to prove to her that you were an ungrateful person who didn't care about others, nor did you play the rules of my game fair…instead you sat around like you always did in your life and waited until Dr. Gordon pulled the trigger."

Adam then had a flash of when Lawrence aimed the gun at him and how he begged at the top of his lungs about how he wanted to live.

"You were given so many chances at life, even if they were mistakes…yet still you impregnate women and only think of yourself, mistreat your daughter and out of your own fears give her up…plan on dying the same angry mistreated person you were born as."

Adam saw he was in a wooded area off the highway where no other cars were. He thought of slamming on the brakes but he stiffened as the tape finished.

"I told my dear Amanda the only way I would let you live is if she save your daughter up…watching you from afar I notice your mistakes are catching up with you and truly you don't deserve to raise this life…she will be taken from you and raised from the ones who truly understand my work…Amanda will be tested one final time for her will…as you have been tested to save one's life."

Adam then tried the breaks…they didn't work.

"Adam…I will take your daughter…"

Adam tried the breaks again as the car began to spin out of control, within moments it slid off the road and crashed.

At first Adam thought he was dead…his eyelids fluttered open as he found himself half in, half out of his upside-down car. Pieces of it were thrown all about the side of the road, some still flicking with fire. Adam stared up at the night's sky as he felt a sudden sharpness of pain zing through him, blood began gushing from his mouth.

A piece of the car was crushing him. Laying there for a moment, unable to move the thought of Laddy came to him as he shot right up. His eyes scanned the wreck and the darkness of the woods around him…panic entered him as he began screaming for his baby.

"She's right here."

Adam slowly turned his head and saw the man they called Jigsaw…the same exact man who slowly stood up that night in the bathroom. In his arms was Laddy, crying and squirming about.

"Let go of her!" 

Adam screamed as blood ran down his face.

The man softly smiled down at the baby before slowly shaking his head.

"I feel Amanda will fail her final test too…"

Adam then saw the man looked sick, nearly fading away almost. He then knew his game was to prove to Amanda and Jigsaw that he wouldn't waste his life or repeat his mistakes. But here he was giving up his daughter out of fear, and not being able to stop the murder of his other unborn child. Looking up at his baby in that monster's hand he struggled and tried to get up.

"I'm sorry Adam…she is mine now." 

"NOOOO!"

"GAME OVER!'

In a moment's time the gun was raised as Adam's eyed bugged out…freezing those last words rang through his head into the darkness of night as the gun fired.

There was a moment of silence as John stood there, holding the baby as she cried from the crash…she was untouched, which seemed lucky. Holding the baby closer to him, John placed the gun back in his cloak pocket and smiled down at the little one. 

"Come on dear…your life has just begun."

"Please take care of her…she's more important then you think."

The slightly older woman looked down at the sleeping baby as John stood on her doorstep. He had driven a great distance to reach this place.

"But John?"

"No questions…just promise me you'll love her as if she was your own."

The woman looked down at the baby. 

"Where are her parents?"

"Lost…"

Slightly nodding, the woman slowly took the baby into her arms and looked up at him.

"I promised you once I would do anything you asked of me…if this is what you want I'll do it."

John nodded.

"It is."

"This is going to be the last time I see you won't it?"

John nodded again and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Her name is Laddy…"

Before leaving John kissed his fingertips and placed them on the baby's soft skin.

Back in the city Alison sat on her couch starting at the clock…Adam was almost an hour late. Crossing her arms she began to cry softly to herself.

She hadn't asked for any of this.

And finally…a few months later as Amanda pulled the envelope from John's desk draw…it told her that Adam and the baby had died in a car wreck earlier that year…which should be a sign to go forward with his work since there was nothing else left. 

Amanda's anger heated her up inside as she sat there with the letter…everything she had worked and risked for was dead.

Her baby and Adam.

Tears filling her eyes she stared in at John and Dr. Lynn and felt pure hate build inside her.

A half an hour later as she fell to the ground clutching her throat, she looked up at John and right before she slipped away…she thought of her baby.

"Adam?"

"I'm going to help your…I'm going to free you."

The end.

Hey everyone it's Cusackattacks here.

First I would like to thank everyone who read and reviewed my story, thank you so much everyone for the kind words…I'll be sure to check out any of your work that's been posted on this site. Most of all thanks to Animorphgirl who helped post and give me tips on the overall flow for the plot and Alexxb for the amazing review I got (best I ever read in my life...thank you) 

I hope everyone enjoyed the story, I apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes and the few plot holes that surrounded the story in general. I'd like to think this was a pretty cool and dramatic take on the character of Adam since at least in my eyes I felt his storyline in the first film along side Dr. Gordon was the most powerful out of all the other films.

I've been a huge Saw fan since the movie was first released back in 2004. I remember how badly the film terrified me and how I because hooked as a horror fan on the series. I found this to be a breath of fresh air for horror films in this era. In fact just last month I was lucky enough to travel to Cherry Hill NJ and meet Leigh Whannel at a horror movie convention. The guy is a total sweetheart in life and gave the news that filming for Saw 4 starts this April.

I got the idea for this story after watching Saw 3...a certain deleted had the characters of Amanda and Adam in it for a brief moment in time shown during a flashback. I happened to see some very bad flirting on Adam's part…and a lot of regret seen in Amanda's eyes. Maybe I'm reading too much into this film but the "mercy killing" that takes place a little later on in the film had be thinking about how badly Amanda really did feel about Adam, and what if…just what if she had let him go?

Yes it was a lot like a soap opera, but I found this would be the best way to show Adam and how he was so effected after the events in part 1. I really liked writing this story since the last thing I posted was back in July. If there's another questions just post them in a review or message them and I'll be more then happy to answer them…also I did leave the door open for a part II depending on reviews. Thanks so much to everyone to read this and were amazing Saw fans much like myself.

Hope to see you all around.

peaceeee

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes  
I all alone beweep my outcast state,   
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,  
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,  
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,  
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,   
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,  
With what I most enjoy contented least;  
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,  
Haply I think on thee,—and then my state,  
Like to the lark at break of day arising  
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;  
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings  
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. 

- Sonnet 29


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